Change of Voice
by slbsp-33
Summary: Santana is a famous worldwide singer facing a life changing event with no friends and no Brittany by her side. Brittany will come back into her life but will their friendship/relationship ever be the same? Rachel, Kurt, and Quinn also will come back into her life.
1. Chapter 1

_**Madison Square Garden, New York City 2021**_

The sold out crowd was on their feet clapping and cheering for one of the most popular singers in the world today. She had just done what the crowd thought for sure was her second and final encore of the night because she always sang the same song for second and final encore for each concert. So when she came back out on stage for the third time the crowd roared so loud it was deafening. She stood center stage and waited for roar of the crowd to die down. When it did she lifted microphone to her mouth and started talking.

"As you know tonight is my last concert on my current world wide tour and because of that I wanted to do something special. When I was a senior in high school I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with my life but one thing I did know was that I wanted to be famous. I remember saying fame is my mistress and I can't live without my fame. When I moved to New York City my main focus was to become famous and after a few years I got my big break and look at me now, I'm famous worldwide. The thing about fame is it can be like a drug because once I got the taste of fame I was always craving more and more fame. I have had twelve number one songs in my career and I'm only 27 years old. Along the way to becoming famous I pushed old friends and loved ones away from me because I thought I didn't need them as long as I was famous."

"I pushed one very special someone away and recent events have made me take a good long hard look at my life and I've come to the harsh reality that fame hasn't made me truly happy. If anything it has made sad and lonely. Anyway, I'm getting off track here. Tonight's concert isn't just the last one of my tour it's the last concert of my career. (The crowd gasps) I don't care to go into the reason why it's my last concert right now but in a couple of days you will know the reason why. The next song I sing will be the last song I ever sing publically. You would think I would want my last song to be one of my own songs but that's not the case. The song I'm going to sing isn't one any of you probably have ever heard before in your life. It's a song that has deep meaning for me and when I knew I would singing my last song tonight there was no doubt in my heart which song I would be singing. I want to thank all of you for being such wonderful fans over the years. I will truly miss our times together."

Piano music starts playing and Santana starts singing.

_For you, there'll be no more crying,  
For you, the sun will be shining,  
And I feel that when I'm with you,  
It's alright, I know it's right_

To you, I'll give the world  
To you, I'll never be cold  
'Cause I feel that when I'm with you,  
It's alright, I know it's right.

And the songbirds are singing,  
Like they know the score,  
And I love you, I love you, I love you,  
Like never before.

And I wish you all the love in the world,  
But most of all, I wish it from myself.

And the songbirds keep singing,  
Like they know the score,  
And I love you, I love you, I love you,  
Like never before, like never before.

Santana's looks out into the crowd with tears running down her face. After a brief moment the crowd erupts into clapping and cheering. Santana doesn't know it but there's one face in the sea of people that has matching tears running down her face.

_**Three weeks earlier**_

"Ms. Lopez I have the results of your biopsy and unfortunately it isn't good news. You have a growth on your left vocal cord and it's malignant."

Santana set there frozen in the chair in the doctor's office. She had been having problems with her throat the past few weeks during her worldwide tour. Her manager and she thought it was probably due the nightly stress put on her voice during her concerts. Santana had never had trouble with her voice during other tours but this tour was longer and her concerts were longer too.

Santana finally snapped to and she had an angry look on her face, "I don't know what kind of bullshit you are trying to pull her doctor but I certainly do not have a malignant growth on my vocal cords. My voice is raspier than usually and my throat hurts because I've been over using it on my tour. Once the tour is over and I can rest my voice I'll be just fine."

The doctor couldn't imagine how difficult it must be for a singer to hear the diagnosis he has just given Santana. "I'm sorry Ms. Lopez but the diagnosis is correct. I always encourage my patients to get a second opinion if that would make them feel more comfortable, however, the diagnosis will be the same."

Santana's manager was sitting beside her and she hadn't said a word this whole time because she was in shock. "What kind of treatment would Santana have to have?"

"First we would do surgery to remove the growth and then 6 weeks of radiation therapy. After that the prognosis is excellent."

There was silence for several minutes and then Santana asked the question that was lingering in the air. "What about my voice? Will the surgery and radiation affect my singing voice?"

"I'm sorry Ms. Lopez but when we remove the growth we will have to remove a small part of your vocal cord as well. Your singing voice will never be the same again. Your speaking voice will be different too but not as noticeable as your singing voice. I'm so sorry Ms. Lopez."

Santana got her second opinion and the diagnosis and treatment were the same as what the first doctor told her. It was when she was coming to grips with what was happening in her life that she realized all of the fame in the world couldn't hold her as she cried herself to sleep every night over the fact she was going to lose her singing voice. She thought how Rachel, Kurt, and Quinn had been there for her every step of way when she was trying to get her big break. Once she got her big break and became famous she slowly pushed them away until they were gone from her life.

Then there was Brittany who told her to go to New York. After she told Santana that they never gained back the friendship they had during high school. Santana thought about Brittany almost every day but she knew their chance at happiness was no longer a possibility now because too much time had passed. Brittany had asked Santana to return to Lima for her high school graduation but Santana wouldn't suck up her pride and go. Santana not showing up for graduation hurt Brittany so much she never contacted Santana again. Santana knew Brittany had gotten dance scholarships to Julliard and UCLA but she had no idea where Brittany had gone to school. Rachel, Kurt, and Quinn were good at keeping Brittany out of their conversations back before Santana became famous and pushed them away.

Now facing life changing surgery Santana found herself alone. Her parents were going to come to LA for the surgery but she had no friends and no girlfriend or wife there for her. When Santana started her singing career she made sure her manager and recording company knew she was a lesbian and she wasn't going to hide it. She often thought how she was able to be so comfortable with herself now because of Brittany. Santana wondered if Brittany was proud of her or even listened to her music.

Brittany stared at the headline on her computer screen. _**Santana Lopez Has Throat Cancer And Will Have Career Ending Surgery.**_ The article included a statement from Santana's publicist explaining her condition and what treatment she was going to be receiving. The surgery would be in 3 days in LA. Brittany had tears running down her face. How could this be happening to Santana?

Brittany had followed Santana's career and loved her music. She didn't always like the way Santana conducted herself because she sometimes went over the top with her diva demands. Brittany had never been to one of Santana's concerts and when one of her friends asked her if she wanted to go to the concert at Madison Square Garden something inside her told to go. When Santana sang 'Song bird' it was like she singing the song directly to her like she did in the choir room all those years ago.

TBC

Let me know what you think.

_**I don't own Glee.**_


	2. Chapter 2

The news of Santana's career ending throat surgery had really stirred up emotions in Brittany she had worked so hard for the past several years to suppress. Her number one feeling of course was of concern and sadness for Santana. However, at the same time she found herself thinking about how they were once best friends and then girlfriends. She had never loved anyone as much as she had loved Santana. The night she went to the concert at Madison Square Garden and Santana sang Songbird as her last song Brittany felt like Santana knew she was in the audience and was singing it just for her. Brittany had been confused like all of the people at the concert when Santana said it would be last time she would ever be singing publically. A couple days later the world knew why and from all of the posts on the social media networks all of Santana's fans were devastated by the news.

Brittany lives in New York City and Santana lives in LA. It was just the opposite after high school. Santana had finally gone to New York after Brittany told her she wasn't going to break up with Sam to be with her. Brittany chose UCLA over Julliard after high school graduation. At the time she told everyone her instincts told her that UCLA was the place for her but that wasn't true. She chose UCLA over Julliard because Santana was in New York and she just couldn't even think of being in the same city as Santana so she went to UCLA and in the end it was the correct choice. Now it is 8 years later and they are on opposite coasts once again.

Brittany was currently performing in a Broadway show and tonight was her last performance after a year of many performances sometimes two a day. She was having a difficult time pulling herself together after learning about Santana's upcoming surgery but like Rachel always said the show must go on. Brittany was taking a long deserved break once the show was over tonight. She had been working nonstop for the past 4 years either dancing on tour or performing on Broadway. It has been difficult for Brittany to form any long term friendships with all of her traveling and working so she had developed a close relationship with her younger sister Bethany who had just graduated from college. As a surprise graduation gift Brittany had promised to take Bethany to Hawaii for a week once her Broadway show was over. They will be leaving in two days, the day before Santana's surgery.

Brittany made it through her final performance without a mistake although her heart wasn't totally into the performance. A few of her cast mates were going out to celebrate after the show and at first she politely told them she was tired and was just going home but they wouldn't let up so she finally agreed to go for just one drink.

Brittany had been sipping her beer for several minutes not really paying attention to the conversation going on at the table but all of that changed when she heard one of her cast mates say Santana's name. They were talking about Santana's surgery.

"Brittany didn't you go to high school with Santana?"

"Yes I did." Brittany remembered telling them once she went to high school with Santana but she didn't go into the details of their relationship.

One of her cast mates Brittany didn't really care for spoke up. "It seems to me that bitch might be getting just what she deserves. You know what goes around comes around. From what I've heard she's been nothing but a bitch her entire life."

Brittany felt her face getting hot she was so furious. "You know what you don't know Santana so keep your fucking opinions to yourself." Everyone at the table just starred at Brittany because they had never seen her get angry she was always happy and smiling.

Brittany couldn't take it anymore so she got up and walked out of the bar and hailed a taxi to take her home. Once she shut her apartment door she broke down crying. What was she going to do? Santana was going through a life changing experience and Brittany felt helpless. She needed to hear Santana's voice for some reason but she didn't have Santana's phone number. Brittany thought about calling Santana's mother but then she decided she shouldn't be bothering her when Santana is going through so much.

Brittany turned on her laptop and pulled up an email from Rachel. It was a list of all of the Glee members with their address, email address, and phone number listed. Rachel made sure everyone always had the most current information. Brittany hadn't kept in touch with any of the Glee members for the past couple of years. Santana's name of course wasn't on the list because she had pushed everyone away once she became famous. As Brittany looked at the list there was one person who she thought would have Santana's phone number.

Brittany listened as the phone rang and then finally went to voice mail _**Hey this the Puckster. Tell me what you want and then I'll decide whether or not to call you back.**_ Brittany laughed because Puck obviously hadn't changed any in over the years. When she heard the beep she left a message, "Hi Puck this is Brittany. You know Brittany S. Pierce from high school. We were in the Glee Club together and slept together once. I have a favor to ask of you so please call me back. Bye."

Brittany ended the call and felt defeated because she was almost sure Puck wouldn't call her back but just then her phone rang. "Hello"

"Hey Brittany it's Puck. Sorry I didn't answer when you called it's just that I didn't recognize your number. I can't believe you called me. So how the hell have you been? Last I heard from Rachel and Finn you were on some dance tour."

Brittany giggled because hearing Puck's voice brought back good memories of Glee and high school. "It's great to hear you voice Puck. Yeah, I've been busy dancing and performing. Thanks for calling me back. Puck I wondering if you have Santana's phone number."

Puck didn't answer which Brittany took as a bad sign. "Look Brit I don't what to say…I do have her number and I understand why you want to contact her now with her surgery and everything. I just don't know if I should give you the number. Don't get me wrong she has never said to me don't give Brittany my number. I'm just not sure it's the best idea for you two to have contact after all these years. You both hurt each other and sometimes it's best just to leave things alone."

Brittany knew Puck could be right but she wanted to hear Santana's voice even if only for this one last time. Brittany had read online where the surgery Santana was having would change her voice and Brittany wanted to remember how Santana voice sounded. "I understand Puck but I just need to hear her voice. I don't expect you to understand and I'm not sure if understand it myself. Can I ask have you spoken to her?"

"I haven't spoken to Santana in 3 months. She invited me over to her house for a day of beers and video games. Since I heard the news of her surgery I have left 3 messages but she hasn't returned my calls so I guess she just wants to be left alone. Brit, a part of me wants to give you her number because I have always felt bad you two never worked things out but a part of me wants to protect Santana. I hope you understand."

"I understand Puck. I'd better let you go."

"Ok and Brit don't wait so long next time to get in touch we with me. I've missed you."

"I've miss you too Puck. Bye."

The call ended and Brittany decided to take a shower and go to bed because it was midnight in New York but then her phone sounded letting her know she had a text message. _**Don't make me regret this. 241-539-8833. Hope u 2 can work things out. Puck**_. Brittany couldn't believe she actually had Santana's phone number. She texted Puck back and thanked him for giving her the number.

Brittany took a shower and was now sitting on her bed with her cell phone in hand. She had entered Santana's number but was afraid to press Call. After several minutes she decided it was now or never and pressed Call. The phone rang three times and Brittany was sure it would go to voice mail but then she heard "Hello" It was Santana. Brittany froze and couldn't talk. "Hello?" Santana said it a little louder this time.

Brittany found her voice although it soft. "San…" It was all she could get out.

There was a pause. "Britt?"

Brittany felt her heart flutter hearing Santana say her name after all of these years. "Yeah it's me."

"Britt, why are you calling?" Santana's voice sounded confused.

"Um…I just wanted to hear your voice." Brittany's voice was still soft and difficult to hear.

"Oh, so you're just like everyone else. I suppose you are recording this so you can sell it to the tabloids. I can just see the headline, Santana's Ex-Lover Has Tape of Santana's Last Words Before Her Surgery. You've got what you wanted now leave me alone."

"No Santana that's not why I'm calling and you know me better than that. I'm concerned about you and what you're going through."

"You know what Brittany I don't need your pity and I don't need you."

Santana ended the call and Brittany broke down sobbing.

Santana almost didn't answer her cell phone when saw it was a number she didn't recognize but something told her to answer it. She was shocked it was Brittany. It was so good to hear Brittany's voice although it sounded meek and scared. Santana suddenly remembered how Brittany had hurt her and how she had spent the last several years trying to get over that hurt. Next thing Santana knew she was yelling at Brittany on the phone about selling a story to the tabloids. She had lost control of her emotions that damn Snix.

Santana could tell Brittany's feelings were hurt by her accusation and who could blame her. Brittany may have hurt Santana but she knew Brittany was a kind person and was truly only calling to hear her voice and because she was concerned. Santana ended the call and broke down. Since she had found out about her diagnosis and surgery she had been thinking a lot about Brittany. She wished Brittany was there with her because she was the only person who ever make her feel safe.

Santana had tried to fall sleep but it wasn't going to happen so she picked up her cell phone. She looked at Brittany's number and added it to her contacts so she would have it. Then she typed a text to Brittany. _**Sorry I know u would never sell anything to the tabloids.**_ Santana waited for a reply but the realized she didn't know where Brittany was or what time it was where she lived. Brittany could be sleeping. However, a few minutes later she got a reply. _**Thanks**_. _**I'll be thinking about u.**_ Reading those last words made the tears well up in Santana's eyes. Brittany will be thinking about her. She wondered if Brittany thought about her as often as she thought about Brittany.

The day of Santana's surgery Brittany and Bethany were lying in the beach in Hawaii. Santana and she hadn't called or send text messages since the night Brittany had contacted her. Brittany kept checking the news on her phone. Finally later in the day there was a statement from Santana's publicist saying that Santana's surgery went well and there were no complications. She would start radiation in two weeks. Brittany was relieved to hear Santana's surgery went well. She had wanted to text Santana before her surgery but decided not to.

Brittany and Bethany's trip to Hawaii had been a fantastic trip. Brittany worried about Santana the entire time but she made sure Bethany had fun. When they returned from their trip Brittany had decided to spend some time in Lima with her parents. She hadn't seen them much at all over the past 4 years and had missed holidays and birthdays. It felt great to Brittany to not have to worry about rehearsals and performances. She had definitely needed a break from work.

Brittany was at the one of the pharmacies in Lima picking up some shampoo, toothpaste, and other items she needed when she heard someone standing next to her say her name. She turned to see Maribel Lopez, Santana's mother, standing there. Maribel smiled at Brittany and pulled into a hug. Brittany was surprised and hugged her back. "Brittany, I'm so surprised to run into here. I had no idea you were home. The last I talked to your mother you were on Broadway."

"I'm finished with the Broadway show and now I'm just taking some time off. Bethany and I just got back from Hawaii and now I'm spending some time here with my family."

"I bet your mother is happy you're home." Maribel was smiling at Brittany which for some reason made Brittany feel uncomfortable. How could Maribel be so nice to her after she broke Santana's heart? It was years ago but mother's don't forget when someone breaks their child's heart.

Brittany tried to smile back, "Yeah my mom is spoiling me and to be honest I kind of like it. Um…how is she?" Brittany's voice cracked when she asked the question.

Maribel knew Brittany was talking about Santana and she noticed the sad look that was suddenly in Brittany's eyes. "She's doing as well as can be expected. It's been almost two weeks since the surgery and she can finally start talking a little but she hasn't really tried to be honest with you. It will take time. You ought to stop by and see her sometime."

Brittany was confused. "I don't plan on being in LA besides as you know Santana and I haven't spoken in years." Brittany knew that was a lie because they had spoken recently but she doubted Santana had told her mother about it.

"Santana's not in LA she's here in Lima. After her surgery her father talked her into coming to Lima for her radiation therapy where he could oversee it at the hospital. She's staying at the house with us. And Brittany I know you called Santana she told me about it. I don't know the details just that you called and it was a short call. It's none of my business but I wish you two could talk and forgive each other so you could be friends again. I talk to your mother once in awhile and we both have been worried about you and Santana. You both have great careers but you don't seem happy. I've probably said too much and overstepped my bounds. I hope you get in touch with Santana while you are here in Lima. I've got to get back home to her. It was nice seeing you again Brittany."

"It was nice seeing you again." Brittany gave Maribel the best smile she could give at that moment.

On her way back to her parents home Brittany took the long way home because it went past the Lopez house. Brittany slowed down as she drove past the house and her mind was flooded with memories. Then she realized the woman she said she loved more than she had ever loved anyone else was inside that house hurting and dealing with a life changing situation. Maybe it was time she swallowed her pride and tried to be there for Santana if she would let her.

Brittany pulled into her parent's driveway and before going into the house she took out her cell phone. _**Hey just saw your mom at the store. She said you're in Lima. Guess what so am I. Can I stop by and see you sometime?**_ Brittany got out of the car and was walking to the house with her bags from the store when her phone sounded she had a text message. _** Give me a couple of days and I'll let you know when you can stop by ok?**_ Brittany smiled because Santana didn't say no. _**Take all the time you need I'm going to be here for a few weeks. Take Care**_

TBC

**Thanks for the reviews, favorites, and followings. **


	3. Chapter 3

**This chapter is all from Santana's POV about the surgery and what has happened since. Thanks for reading.**

Santana can't believe she is lying on her bed in her old room in her parent's house in Lima. The last time she was in this room was 3 years ago when she came for Christmas and spent two days at home. Since she had become famous and had money she had flown her family to LA for Christmas for several of past years.

Santana had had no intention of coming to Lima for her radiation treatment but how could she say no to her father when she saw the concern and worry in his eyes after her surgery. Dr. Carlos Lopez was a tough guy except when it came to his wife and daughter then he was a softie. He was feeling helpless because there was nothing he could do to help his daughter so he suggested she come to Lima for her radiation treatments where he could oversee them and he was relieved when she finally said yes.

The days that led up to the surgery were unsettled and scary for Santana. Her parents flew to LA two days before the surgery which helped calm her down because there were three people in her life who could calm her down when she was upset or angry. They were her parents and Brittany. Her parents were here but a part of her wishes Brittany was here too. Santana thought about calling Brittany and asking her if she could be there the day of surgery but she decided that would be too much to ask. Brittany has reached out to her for the first time in years and Santana didn't want to read too much into it.

Santana finally called Puck after he had left a total of six messages. He was the only friend she had in her life. She could always count on him because he didn't treat her any different because she was famous. Puck thought for sure Santana was calling to tell him off for giving Brittany her number but he was shocked when Santana didn't seem upset about it at all.

The day of the surgery Santana went to the hospital and was escorted through a back door to avoid the large number of fans and reporters that had gathered in front of the hospital. They prepared Santana for her surgery and finally it was time for the anesthesiologist to give Santana something through her IV that would calm her down and make her very sleepy. Her parents hugged and kissed her telling her everything was going to be ok and that they loved her. Santana wanted to hold onto them and never let go. She wanted them to make it all better like they used to be able to do when she was kid but this was different there was no making It better. After the surgery her life was going to be changed forever. The one thing in her life that truly makes her truly happy was being taken away from her forever. She would never be able to sing again.

Santana had been holding her cell phone in her hand the whole time and the nurse finally told her she had to give her cell phone to her parents. Santana looked at her cell phone because she wasn't sure why she had been holding onto all of this time. Subconsciously she knew why, she had been hoping to get a text or call from Brittany but she understood why she didn't hear from her. It was at that moment that she thought about quickly texting Brittany to tell her she still loved her because you never know what can happen during surgery and if something were to happen she didn't want Brittany to spend the rest of her life not knowing that she still loved her. But Santana couldn't bring herself to send the text because maybe too much had happened between them and too much time had passed that even love couldn't change things.

When Santana woke from her surgery her throat felt like it was fire. The doctor's normally would've had to make an incision in her neck to do the surgery but there is a new procedure that involved robotics so the surgery can be done directly through the mouth without an incision. The recovery time is also less. Santana was please when she found out she wouldn't have a scar on her neck. Santana had a tube going through her nose that was leading to her stomach to provide her with the nutrition she needed since it would 3 or 4 days before she could even attempt to swallow any food and then it would have to liquid or soft foods. Another thing Santana wouldn't be able to talk for 5 days which seemed ok to her because after the surgery she didn't have much to say anyway.

Santana was in the hospital for four day. The tube was taken out of her nose and she was on a liquid diet and while it hurt to swallow she was happy to have the tube gone. It was the day before she was going to released that her father sat by her bed and asked her to please consider coming home to Lima for her radiation treatment. Santana really didn't want to go home to Lima but a part of her wanted to have her parents with her during her recovery and then her radiation treatments. If she stayed in LA she would have on one to help her so she decided to go home to Lima.

The doctor gave Santana permission to fly on Saturday, five days after her surgery, and luckily the press had no idea where she was going. Santana hoped they didn't find out she was going to Lima because the last thing her parents or her needed was reporters camped outside her parent's house. When she first walked into the house that had been home to her all of her life she felt like a stranger in a familiar place but after a few hours she felt more relaxed than she had in years. She was home and she felt safe.

Santana was able to try and talk but she was afraid to try because she had no idea what her voice would sound like. Her doctor in LA told her that her voice would still sound like her voice it would just be a bit lower and hoarse sounding. He made it sound like it would be no big deal but to Santana it was a big deal. She would try and talk when she was ready and in the privacy of her room.

The next day Sunday was when she got the text from Brittany. She was actually excited to get text. Leave it up to her mother and Brittany to run into each other in the store. Santana felt nervous when Brittany asked to stop by and see her. She wanted to see Brittany she really did but she just couldn't see her yet. She wasn't talking yet so it would be a one sided conversation. She had no idea what she would say to Brittany anyway but she still wanted to see her. Santana had held on to the hurt Brittany had caused her for years but now it seemed to matter less and less. It probably was because of what the surgery had taken away from Santana. She realized now anything or anyone could be taken away from you at any time. Brittany hadn't been in her life for years but yet she was still here and wanted to see Santana.

Santana wondered why Brittany was in Lima and she had said she would be there for a few weeks. Santana hoped everyone in Brittany's family was ok. Santana didn't know much about Brittany's life after high school. She always knew she could Google her name but Santana didn't because she was afraid of what she would find out for some reason.

Santana's text message told Brittany she would let her know in a couple of days when she could stop by to see her. She wanted to be able to talk at least a little bit when Brittany visited so she had to start talking. It was then Santana tried to speak for the first time. It hurt like hell and came out as a raspy whisper but the doctor had been right it was still her voice just a bit different sounding.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

Santana had been practicing talking in the privacy of her room for the past day. She found it ironic that only a few weeks ago she had been rehearsing her songs for her tour now she was spending time learning to talk with her new voice. The way her voice vibrated on her vocal cords when she spoke even felt different. The doctor has explained that when they removed the growth on her vocal cord that they had to take a small part of the vocal cord itself. Santana thought her voice sounded like she had a bad case of laryngitis but at least she could hear some of her old voice when she spoke.

Santana hadn't told her parents that she had been talking yet because she was afraid to speak in front of anyone yet even her parents. She was worried about how her mother especially would react to hearing her voice. Her mother was never very good at hiding her feelings so Santana was afraid to see what her mother's reaction would be the first time she heard her voice. However, she knew she couldn't keep silent forever and soon she would have to find the courage to speak in front of her parents.

The next morning Santana had woken up early and couldn't get back to sleep so she decided to get up. She walked downstairs in her pajamas and as she got closer to kitchen she could hear her parents talking and smell the wonderful smell of pancakes and bacon. Right now she would love nothing more than to eat a stack of pancakes smothered in maple syrup with strips of bacon on the side but she still couldn't eat solid food.

When Santana walked into the kitchen her parents looked at her with surprised looks on her faces because she wasn't the type of person to be up early unless there was reason for it. Maribel got up from the table and gave Santana a hug and kiss on the cheek. "Good morning mija. Are you feeling ok it's not like you to be up so early?" Santana just stood there by the kitchen table as her mother sat back down. Carlos looked at his daughter with concern, "What's wrong sweetie?" He noticed Santana had broken out into a sweat.

Santana swallowed hard which caused some pain in her throat since she was still healing from the surgery. "Morning." It was one word and it came out like a raspy whisper but she had spoken in front of someone for the first time.

Santana watched for her mother's reaction and when she saw a big smile on her mother's face a lot of fears disappeared. "Oh, mija it sounds so good to her your voice." Santana noticed her mother said it sounds good to hear your voice, there still was a part of her in her voice. Her mother got up from the table again and hugged Santana. Her father got up and joined in the hug. "I'm so proud of you Santana I know that was difficult for you to try and speak for the first time since your surgery."

Carlos and Santana sat down at the kitchen table while Maribel got Santana a glass of water. Water was the only liquid Santana could drink until her throat healed. Santana took a few sips of the water, "Actually, been practicing talking in my room since yesterday." She took another drink of water.

Maribel had tears in eyes and Carlos had a huge smile on his face. "I think it's fantastic sweetie just don't overdo it because you have more healing to do from the surgery. I hate to leave but I've got to get to the hospital." Carlos got up from the table and kissed Maribel and then kissed Santana on the head before leaving for work.

"Mija can I fix you some scrambled eggs they are on your list of allowed foods."

"Yeah sounds good." Santana spoke and her mother just beamed all over. Her parents had been so worried when they found out she had cancer and would need surgery. There had been sleepless nights when they worried about her but today was a good day because Santana was talking. There was still the 6 weeks of radiation to get through and there would side effects from it but right now Maribel wasn't worrying about that.

"Britt texted you saw her at the store. She wants to see me." Santana found herself speaking in short sentences because of the different way her vocal cords felt when she spoke. Also there still was the pain.

Maribel turned away from the stove where she was fixing the scrambled eggs to look at Santana. "What did you tell Brittany about seeing you?"

"Told her give me a couple days and I'd let her know."

"Is that why you have been practicing talking?" Maribel knew her daughter too well.

Santana didn't answer she nodded her head yes. Maribel put the scrambled eggs on a plate and set in front of Santana. "You'd better let the eggs cool off a bit before trying to eat them because they might hurt your throat if they are too hot." Santana again nodded her head.

"I've missed her but don't know if she has really missed me. Maybe she feels sorry for me." It was getting difficult for Santana to speak because she was getting emotional and her throat felt like it was closing up. She quickly took a drink of water and it felt better.

"Santana, I don't know what Brittany is feeling but the person I talked to the other day had genuine concern for you in her eyes when she asked about you. I know you two hurt each other but I also know how much you loved each other. And I maybe out of line saying this but I think you both still love each other just as much as you did in high school. The type of love you two had just doesn't go away because you hurt one another. I'm not saying you two are destined to be a couple again but I think it would be a shame if you didn't try to be friends again. From what Brittany's mom has told me about her and from what I've seen from you the past several years you both are lost without each other. You both have successful careers but you don't seem truly happy."

Santana thought about what her mother had said to her. "But I have so far to go yet. Radiation and then what do I do with my life. I can't sing anymore." Santana had tears falling down her face.

Maribel took her daughter's hand from across the table, "I know you are going through a life changing experience and who better to have by your side than your best friend. Of course you won't know how Brittany feels unless you see her."

Santana knew her mother was right about seeing Brittany. "Mija your eggs should be cooled off enough now." Santana slowly ate her eggs and while they tasted good it hurt to swallow so after awhile she gave up and went to take a shower.

After her shower she sat on her bed in her robe staring at her cell phone. _**Britt are you free to come visit tomorrow afternoon around 2?**_

Santana was amazed at how quickly she got a response from Brittany. _**San, I'm free then. Are you sure you are up to having a visitor?**_

_**Yeah, I'm sure so I guess I'll see then?**_

_**I'll be there. Britt**_

Santana had just read Brittany's last text when Maribel came into her bedroom with a grape Popsicle, her favorite flavor. "Britt is coming tomorrow at 2." Maribel just smiled and walked out of the room.

Santana was so nervous about Brittany's visit that she probably wouldn't have gotten any sleep the night before but she took her pain medication which helped her sleep. Santana knew she should probably get dressed in something other than sweats to see Brittany but she didn't have the energy. She was still recuperating from the surgery and not being able to eat properly was making her feel weak.

At two o'clock exactly the doorbell rang and Maribel answered it. "Hi Brittany so nice to see you yet again."

Brittany walked into the Lopez house. She hadn't been in the house in years but it looked the same. She had spent countless hours in this house and she suddenly felt herself flooded with powerfully good memories. "Hi Maribel, nice to see you again too."

"Santana's in the living room." Brittany followed Maribel to living room where she saw Santana sitting on the couch. Santana looked up and suddenly found herself breathless when she saw Brittany for the first time in over 8 years. Brittany felt the same way and they both just stared at one another. The two were brought out of their trances when Maribel spoke, "I'll be in the kitchen if you two need anything."

Santana got up from the couch and walked over to Brittany. Brittany held up a small brown bag, "I didn't know if you could eat ice cream but I wanted to bring you something. It's you're favorite vanilla bean."

Santana wanted to say thank you but she found her throat tightening up so she just nodded. When Brittany saw Santana just nod she felt her eyes burning with tears because she thought it meant Santana couldn't talk yet. The two stared at each for a few moments and then to Brittany's surprise Santana closed the gap and pulled her into a hug. Brittany hugged Santana back with all of her might. Their hug felt so familiar it was like it hadn't been 8 years since they last hugged.

Santana moved her mouth close to Brittany's ear, "Missed you." Her voice was raspy and barely above a whisper but to Brittany it sounded like an angel speaking. Brittany could still hear the Santana she loved in that voice.

Brittany whispered in Santana's ear, "I've miss you too."

TBC

_**Thanks for reading. Let me know what you think.**_


	5. Chapter 5

_Thanks for the reading and the reviews._

Santana moved her mouth close to Brittany's ear, "Missed you." Her voice was raspy and barely above a whisper but to Brittany it sounded like an angel speaking. Brittany could still hear the Santana she loved in that voice.

Brittany whispered in Santana's ear, "I've miss you too."

The two former best friends and lovers held onto each other neither one wanting to be the first one to let go. Brittany all of sudden remembered the hurt she felt when Santana didn't come to her high school graduation. She felt silly because that was eight years ago and they were teenagers it shouldn't make any difference anymore but for some reason she couldn't shake the feeling of hurt.

Brittany broke the hug and Santana stepped back away from her. "Santana, I think I'd better take this ice cream to the kitchen before it starts melting all over. Would you like some of it now?" Brittany felt overwhelmed and she needed to put some distance between her and Santana.

"Just a little, thanks." Santana's was trying to conserve her voice by not speaking too much. She had spoken a lot today and she was starting to feel her voice going away and she didn't want that to happen because she wanted to be able to talk to Brittany.

Brittany went into the kitchen where she saw Maribel sitting at the table using her laptop. "Hi Brittany I'm so glad that you came over to visit Santana today."

Brittany really wished Maribel wasn't there because she needed a few minutes to herself. "I'm glad she invited me. I brought Santana some ice cream and she said she would like just a little to eat. I wasn't sure if she could have it or not."

Maribel got up from the table, "A little bit will be good for her because she has lost weight since the surgery and I'm worried about her not being strong enough when she starts her radiation next week. I'm sorry Brittany I didn't mean to dump all of this on you. You came here to have a nice visit with Santana. I'll put the ice cream in bowls. Did you want some too?"

"Yes please. I need to use the bathroom I'm assuming it's in the same place." Brittany knew that going to the bathroom would give her the few minutes of alone time she needed before continuing her visit with Santana.

"Yes it's in the same the place. I'll just take the ice cream in the living room when I get it put in the bowls." Maribel opened the cupboard and got out two bowls for the ice cream. Brittany quickly went to the bathroom that was near the kitchen.

Brittany closed the door and immediately went over to the sink turning the water on and splashing some on her face. She turned the water off and then stood there looking at herself in the wall mirror above the sink. When she looked into the mirror she no longer saw the 27 year old young woman who had traveled the world dancing, performed on Broadway, and learned how to be independent. She now saw the 19 year old second year senior who was hurt because Santana broke up with her making her question if Santana ever really loved her. She saw the 19 year old that started dating Sam because he somehow made her feel not so alone. She saw the 19 year old that turned Santana down when she expected her to break up with Sam because she wasn't sure if Santana really wanted her back or just didn't want Sam to have her. She saw the 19 year old knew it was best for both of them if Santana went to NYC. She saw the 19 year old whose heart was broken when Santana didn't show up for her high school graduation after she had sent her a special invitation she designed herself using crayons. She saw the 19 year that decided on graduation day that it was time she stopped living her life thinking Santana and she would eventually end up together. She saw the 19 year old that broke up with Sam because she never loved him. She saw the 19 year that decided she needed to start living her life and following her own dreams.

Brittany was angry with herself for having all of these feelings because she had become an independent young woman who made her own decisions but now one hug from Santana and all of that was gone. "Brittany are you ok?" It was Maribel talking through the bathroom door. "I'm fine I'll be right out." Brittany took one more look in the mirror and to her relief she saw the young woman she is today but she had no idea what would happen once she was with Santana again.

Brittany walked into the living room and saw Santana sitting on the couch with a bowl of ice cream. There was a bowl for Brittany sitting on the coffee table. Brittany sat down, picked up the bowl, and ate a spoon full of the ice cream. She looked at Santana as she ate her ice cream and noticed how Santana was taking very small spoonfuls. Brittany assumed it was because of the surgery. They ate in silence for a few minutes.

"Was good thanks", Santana said as she put laid her bowl on the coffee table then picking up a glass of water and sipping it. She was aware that Brittany had been staring at her all the while she ate her ice cream and it made her feel self conscious but didn't not to say anything about it.

"You're welcome, I'm glad you enjoyed it." Brittany finished her ice cream and laid her bowl on the coffee table. It was once again silent. Brittany usually was talkative and could keep a conversation going but right now she found herself at a loss for words. Being this close to Santana after all these years was overwhelming but she knew she had to stay something. "I can't believe we are sitting here together after all these years. It almost feels like a dream to me."

Santana was feeling the same way but wasn't going to tell Brittany but leave it to Brittany to put her true feeling out into the open like always. Santana decided to just nod her head and then change the subject. "Mom said you were on Broadway."

"Yeah, I just finished a year on a Broadway show a couple of weeks ago. It was my second Broadway show." Brittany stopped there but then decided to tell Santana more about career just in case she didn't know about it. "After I graduated from UCLA I went on tour with some singers for a few years. I traveled all over the world. It was an awesome experience but I can't believe how nice it is to be home in Lima for a few weeks."

Santana sat there taking in all of the Brittany had told her. She didn't know she had toured all over the world with other singers. "Sounds great. I'm proud of you for it all."

Brittany could tell Santana was being sincere when she said she was proud of her but a part of her wondered why Santana wasn't proud of her enough to come to her high graduation. Brittany knew she needed to stop bringing up the past in her mind because that was a long time ago and she had moved on and had a great life. However, she couldn't stop herself from thinking where her and Santana would be today if Santana hadn't broken up with her. "Thanks Santana. I'm proud of you too. I have a few of your songs on my mp3 player."

Santana immediately wondered why Brittany only had a few of her songs on her mp3 player. Why didn't she have all of her songs on it? What songs didn't she like? Usually Santana would ask Brittany these questions but her voice was getting tired plus she wasn't sure she wanted to know the answers to the questions. "Thanks", was all she said.

There was the silence again. Brittany had something she had to tell Santana and she wasn't sure how she was going to react to the news. The last thing Brittany wanted to do was upset Santana but she knew she had to tell her. "Um…Rachel, Kurt, Quinn, and Puck are coming to Lima for the weekend."

Again silence filled the room. Brittany looked at Santana who was looking down and not showing any emotion. "Why?"

The question was one word but Brittany knew that there were unspoken questions behind that one word. "Santana, I going to be honest with you, they are coming to Lima because they want to see you."

"Why?" Still the one word question that meant so much.

"Because they are your friends and they have been concerned about you and want to see you so they can let you know they are here for you."

"Why?"

Brittany was now getting frustrated with the one word question. "Why? I don't know what you want me to say Santana."

"They hate me. I said horrible, mean things to all of them except Puck." Santana took a drink of water she was having trouble talking because of her throat.

"I don't know what you said to them and I don't want to know. I do know that you pushed them away after you had your first hit song. Even with all of that they still care about you. Didn't you learn back in high school how special the bond was between the Glee kids? When one of us is hurting the rest of us hurt too. It doesn't matter how much time has passed we still know we are there for each other. Did you forget that?"

Santana had so much to say and she wished this damn voice of her hers was stronger. "That was high school and this is the real world."

"True but the love everyone felt for each other in Glee club is forever. We just weren't a Glee club who sang and danced. We were there for each other no matter what and those kinds of feelings just don't stop because we are no longer in high school. It's my understanding that when you moved to NYC that you, Rachel, and Kurt became really close friends. Santana, let them be here for you now."

Santana shook her head, "How do I know they aren't just coming here to tell me I deserve everything that is happening to me now because of the way I treated them and everyone else around me?"

Brittany moved closer to Santana on couch and took her hand. Santana thought about pulling her hand away but she didn't. "First of all if I knew they were coming here to tell you deserve any of this I wouldn't let them see you. Secondly, I know they are coming here so you know you still have them in your life to support you."

Santana loved how Brittany was ready to protect her if she needed to. "They haven't forgiven me. I know that."

"I really don't know Santana if they have forgiven you because except for a couple of emails since your surgery I haven't kept in touch with them. I can't tell you what to do but I think an apology from you might be all they need. Kurt and Rachel can sympathize with you because their gift is their voice just like you. Quinn and you have always had a love hate relationship and you always end up forgiving one another. If you don't want to see them I'll just tell them you aren't ready for visitors."

Santana thought for awhile. "I need to apologize to them so ok I'll see them." Brittany smiled at Santana because she knew how difficult it can be for Santana to apologize. "Brittany I need to apologize to you too."

Brittany knew they would eventually get around to them and everything that happened. "I need to apologize to you Santana so how about we get all of this out In the open so we can move on?"

Santana nodded her head, "I'm sorry I broke up with you and I'm sorry I didn't come to your high school graduation after you sent me that special invitation. I just couldn't come because I was hurting so much."

"I accept your apologies. San, I'm sorry I hurt you too. I never meant to hurt you I hope you know that."

Santana looked confused, "So that's all there is to it? We both say we are sorry and no big talk about what happened?"

Brittany shrugged her shoulders, "We can talk about it if you want to but I'm good with your apology because I know you mean it."

Santana didn't believe it was going to be this easy. "I accept your apology too but I'm not sure if you are telling the truth when you said you've accepted my apology. Britt, I saw how you looked when you came out of the bathroom. You had that sad little panda look on your face like you get when you're sad, upset, or hurt. I can't help but think seeing me again was the reason for that look."

Brittany should've known she couldn't hide her true feelings from Santana, "I'll admit after we hugged the flood of hurt feeling came back for some reason even though I knew I was over them but now sitting here with you I'm ok. Santana, I'm really ok but if you need to talk about anything we can because I don't want any unresolved issues between us."

Santana thought for a few moments, "I'm ok with it if you are."

"I'm ok with it. I do have a question for you that I need an answer to and I don't need the answer today if you need time to think about it. Do you want for us to be friends again or do want us just to live our lives like we have been without each other? I'm going to tell you how I feel before you answer. I want us to be friends again. I've missed you so much. There have been so many times over the years when I'm happy or sad that I wished you were there with me. I've had success in my career but something has always been missing and that something is you."

Santana felt tears coming to her eyes because she never expected Brittany to say those things to her. "Britt, I've missed you too. I thought being famous would make me happy but it didn't. I loved singing and performing but my personal life has been lonely. I don't have any friends. I would like for us to be friends again." Santana started coughing and she could fell her throat really hurting her. She knew she needed to stop talking and rest her voice but she had so much more she wanted to say to Brittany.

"San, you need to rest your voice I can tell you're in pain. We can talk more later or maybe chat on the computer because then you wouldn't be using your voice. You said you want us to be friends again and that's all I need to know for now."

Santana shook her head no, "I need to talk to you more."

Santana stopped talking when Brittany put the tip of her index finger on her lips. Brittany's touch made Santana's heart race. "No more talking today. Maybe this will help. I was there at your last concert. I had never been to one of your concerts and then a friend asked me to go because she had an extra ticket. My first thought was I didn't know if I could handle seeing you again but something inside me told me I had to go. It was amazing San. You were amazing. Before singing your last song you said you pushed someone special away and recent events made you realize fame hasn't made you truly happy but sad and lonely. When you said you knew in your heart which song you would sing for your last song and then you sang 'Songbird' I knew you were talking about me. It felt like you were singing it just to me like you did the choir room. As far as I'm concerned you said everything you needed to say to me that night about us."

Santana was crying again as was Brittany. "Britt, I can't believe you were there. I just…" Santana stopped talking because she started coughing again.

"San, please stop talking now. It's ok. We are going to be ok. I'm going to be here with you through your radiation if you want me because I had already decided to take several months off because I have been touring and on Broadway nonstop for the past 5 years. I think maybe you should lie down and rest."

Santana nodded her head. She took out her cell phone and typed something and then a few seconds later Brittany's phone sounded she had a text message so she took out of her pocket. Santana watched as Brittany read the text. _** I'm glad you were at the concert and got to hear me sing before my surgery. If you really want to be here for me during my radiation treatment I'd like that but only if you're sure you want to be.**_

Brittany looked at Santana when she finished reading the text. "I really want to be there for you San."

Santana typed in her phone again. _**Thanks. I am getting really tired so I think I'll take a nap. Will you stay and lay with me? I'll understand if you don't want to.**_

Brittany read the text. "Stand up Santana." Santana stood up from the couch. Brittany then lay down on the couch with her back to the back of the couch. She smiled at Santana who smiled back. Santana then lay down on the couch with her back to Brittany's front. Brittany immediately wrapped her arm around Santana. Neither woman said another word and within minutes they both were fast asleep.

Maribel came into the living room to see if they needed anymore ice cream or anything else. When she saw them together on the couch so many memories came flooding back into her mind because she had seen them on the couch cuddled up like that so many times before over the years. She couldn't help but notice how the scowl she had seen on Santana's face as she had watched her sleep since the surgery was gone. She knew that was because of Brittany. Maribel went to the closet, got a blanket, and carefully covered them.

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

_AN: Thanks for reading and writing reviews. Let me know what you think._

_End of Previous Chapter_

_Maribel came into the living room to see if they needed anymore ice cream or anything else. When she saw them together on the couch so many memories came flooding back into her mind because she had seen them on the couch cuddled up like that so many times before over the years. She couldn't help but notice how the scowl she had seen on Santana's face as she had watched her sleep since the surgery was gone. She knew that was because of Brittany. Maribel went to the closet, got a blanket, and carefully covered them. _

Since the day Santana and Brittany saw each other for the first time in over 8 years they have kept in touch texting each other daily. After talking so much that day Santana had a set back with her voice and healing from her surgery. The day after the talk Santana kept coughing and she eventually coughed up blood with resulted in a visit to her the throat specialist in charge of her case in Lima. He said she had irritated her vocal cords by speaking too much too soon. He recommended she rest her voice completely for a couple of days and then only talk like a whisper to not put a strain on her vocal cords. Santana had spent the last three days resting.

Santana woke up early on Saturday morning. Her throat was feeling better. She could swallow now with it feeling someone sticking a hot poke down her throat. Today was the day she was going to be seeing Quinn, Rachel, Kurt, and Puck. She had kept in touch with Puck since they both lived in LA and they had special friendship. They just always kind of got each other. Quinn, Rachel, and Kurt were a different story. Santana hadn't spoken to any of them in 6 years. It was when she had her first top 10 song and was so full of herself that she called them all losers and walked out of their lives.

Thinking back on that night Santana is ashamed of the way she treated three of the best friends she ever had in her life. Rachel and Kurt had taken her in when she literally just showed up on the doorstep of their flat one day. They had become close friends over the 2 years before Santana got her lucky break and signed a recording contract and had a hit single. Kurt and Rachel were still struggling to find their way in NYC as they attended NYADA. Kurt and Rachel's dreams did eventually come true. Both have performed in Broadway shows and Rachel won her first Tony Award last year. Kurt had been nominated for a Tony last year but unfortunately didn't win. One of their dreams had been to be Broadway stars and they both were now living their dream.

Quinn was different. Santana and she had always had a love/hate relationship. They had remained friends after high school and Quinn would come to NYC from Yale at least one weekend every month to visit Santana, Rachel, and Kurt. Quinn was successful academically at Yale but her personal life was a different story as she couldn't seem to find the right guy for her and always ended up getting herself involved in some kind of emotional mess. Plus Quinn was always on Santana about how she had left Brittany.

The night Santana walked out of her friends lives they were all in the flat in NYC. She told them they were all losers and she on the other hand was on her way to living her dream of becoming a famous singer. Santana basically told them she didn't have room in her life for losers and said goodbye. It was ironic because in high school they all felt like losers even Santana, Brittany, and Quinn who were part of the popular crowd. They all knew how much it hurt to have other people call you a loser but in end Santana turned on her friends calling them loser.

Now today was the day Santana was going to be facing Quinn, Rachel, and Kurt for first time since that night. She knew she had to apologize and she just hoped and prayed they would find it in their hearts to forgive her. Brittany had said they were coming to see Santana because they were concerned about her health and wanted to support her in her time of need. A part of Santana wouldn't blame them if they told her off and told her they didn't accept her apology. Santana had begun to realize how wrong she had been and how much she missed her friends before her cancer diagnosis. However, since her diagnosis she really yearned to have her friends back her life. She needed them so much. She can't face her treatment and her new life without them. Santana hopes they need her too because she wants to be there for them as well. She just hopes they still want to be a part of her life.

Maribel was on her way to Santana's bedroom to tell her she was going to the grocery store and ask her if she needed anything. As Maribel got closer to the bedroom door she heard music coming from the room. She listened carefully for a few minutes. She hadn't heard any music coming from Santana's room since she came to stay after the surgery. Santana was one to always have her IPod with her listening to music but not since the surgery. Maribel could tell it was definitely Santana singing the song but it was a song she had never heard before.

_Sometimes I feel so misunderstood  
The whole world looks at me like I'm crazy  
Sometimes my words don't come out like they should  
Somehow you know what I'm saying_

_You get me, you know me_  
_We're connected, it's a soul thing_  
_You read me like a book_  
_You've memorized inside and out_

_My reason, my purpose_  
_My deep down, my surface_  
_You're the only one who's ever had a clue what I'm about_  
_You get me_

_When I'm with you, talk about comfortable_  
_It's so easy to be myself_  
_There are no games, no awkwardness at all_  
_I've never felt this way with anyone else_

_Oh, you get me, you know me_  
_We're connected, it's a soul thing_  
_You read me like a book_  
_You've memorized inside and out_

_My reason, my purpose_  
_My deep down, my surface_  
_You're the only one who's ever had a clue what I'm about_  
_You get me_

_When you look at me I see_  
_My reason, my purpose_  
_My deep down, my surface_  
_You're the only one who's ever had a clue what I'm about_  
_You get me, girl you get me_

Maribel immediately knew who the song was about and written for, Brittany. Maribel knocked on Santana's door and when Santana didn't come to the door Maribel slowly opened it up to find Santana sitting on the floor with her back leaning on her bed. Santana's eyes were closed and there were tears rolling down her cheeks. "Mija, are you ok?" Santana open her eyes she just nodded her head yes. "That is a beautiful song. Did you write it?" Santana nodded yes again. "I don't remember hearing it before. Why wasn't it ever on any of your CDs?"

This question couldn't be answered with just a nod of her head. Santana opened her eyes and talked in a whisper, "I never sang it for anyone or let them read they lyrics until I recorded it a couple of days before my surgery. That was one of the first songs I ever wrote, I wrote it when I was 17. When I found out I'd never sing again I knew had to record the song because the only person I wanted singing that song was me."

"It's about you and Brittany isn't it?" Santana answered her mother's questions with a nod of head. "Do you think you will ever share the song with Brittany?"

Santana didn't respond in any way for a few moments. "I don't know probably not. I mean it was great seeing Brittany the other day and she says she going to say in Lima and be here for me during my radiation treatments but I'm sure the day will come when she goes back to New York and we will me just friends who keep in touch."

"Santana, I know this isn't any of my business but I'm going to ask the question anyway because I know you are still in love with Brittany. Do you want Brittany and you to be in a relationship again?"

Santana didn't hesitate she nodded her head yes. "But it won't ever happen. Even though she forgave me I know I hurt her too much. Besides who knows what is going to happen with my health after the radiation treatments. I know the doctors say I should be cancer free but that doesn't change the fact that I am going to have to learn to live my life without being able to sing. I wouldn't ask anyone to go through that process with me, not even Brittany."

Maribel thought Santana wasn't having enough faith in the love she knew Brittany still felt for her but she decided not to push the subject any further. "I'm going to the grocery story do you need anything?"

Santana shook her head no. Maribel kissed her daughter on the forehead and left the room.

Brittany had arrived at the Lopez house with pizza and Chinese food. She had spoken to Rachel, Kurt, Quinn, and Puck and they decided to just get take out and spenf time with Santana. When Brittany arrived at the house Maribel lead her into the kitchen and she noticed that Santana wasn't anywhere around. "Where's Santana?"

"She's upstairs in her room. Brittany, she's really nervous about seeing her friends again. I'm worried about her because she doesn't need more drama in her life right now."

"Maribel, I know she's nervous and to be honest everyone is nervous about tonight but I have a feeling everything will turned out ok. It's time for all of them to put what happened in the past. Santana needs the support of her friends right now and that's what is most important."

The door bell rang which made Brittany jump. She was just a bit nervous about tonight too. Maribel answered the door. "Oh my look at all of you so grown up. Come in."

Quinn, Rachel, Kurt, and Puck walked into the house. They had all been there too many times to count back in high school. Quinn was the first to give Maribel a hug, "It's so good to see you Maribel." Rachel, Kurt, and Puck all gave her a hug neck. Maribel escorted them into the living room.

Brittany walked in the living room and a huge smile came on her face. There they were four people who she had missed so much over the past few years. Quinn, Rachel, and Kurt all squealed when they saw her and wrapped in huge hugs. Puck didn't squeal but he was just as excited to see Brittany. Maribel watched the friends hugging and laughing, and she smiled. She knew Santana wouldn't probably get the same reaction from them but she hoped it would still be a good one.

"So where is Santana?" Puck asked.

"She's upstairs in her bedroom. I'm just going to go up and let her know you all are here." Brittany said before going upstairs. She approached Santana's room and the door was opened. Santana was sitting on the bed staring into space. "Hey San, everyone is here." Santana nodded her head but didn't make any move to get up so Brittany sat beside her on the bed taking her hand. "It's going to be ok. They are here to see you because they care about you. I know you will need to apologize to them for your actions in the past but once all of you get past that you will see they are the same people who love and supported you in the past."

Brittany carefully pulled Santana to her feet. Santana looked at the floor so Brittany did what she does best she gave Santana a hug. She whispered in Santana's ear, "I'm going to be right by your side so please lean on me tonight when you need to."

Brittany felt Santana nod her head, "Thanks." She whispered.

Brittany held Santana's hand as they walked down the stairs and into the living room. When they entered the living room everyone looked at them. Santana kept her head down she just couldn't bring herself to look at them. Brittany let go of her hand and immediately Santana missed the contact and felt less confident about what was about to happen. Soon after Brittany let go of her hand Santana felt someone pull her into a hug.

Santana could tell it was Quinn. Santana finally hugged Quinn back and the two hugged for several moments. Quinn pulled just enough out of the hug so she could look at Santana but Santana still wouldn't look up. "Santana, please look at me."

Quinn's voice was soft and sincere so Santana look up at her. There she was the same Quinn who she had been one of her best friends and at times her enemy. No matter what they always knew they would do anything to protect the other one. Quinn smiled and Santana couldn't help but smile back just a little as the tears fell down both their faces. "I'm so sorry. I've missed you", Santana said barely above a whisper.

It broke Quinn's heart to hear how fragile and weak Santana's voice was because she was used to her having a strong voice both when she talked and sang. She also noticed how skinny Santana was she assumed from not being able to eat properly. When she heard about Santana's diagnosis she did research on her type of cancer. "I've missed you too San."

"Hey, stop having your own little make out session over there and give the rest of us some love." Puck said as he walked over to them. Santana rolled her eyes as Puck pulled into a big bear hug and lifted her off the ground. He noticed how much weight she had lost too. He had seen her a few months ago and she wasn't this skinny. "Good to see you Lopez. I've been waiting for you to call so I can have a rematch cause the last time we hung and played video games you definitely cheated."

"I did not." Santana said as she hit Puck's arm.

Puck stopped hugging Santana and when he did she noticed Rachel and Kurt standing there. She immediately was overcome with guilt. These two had taken her in and supported her when she first moved to New York and then she turned her back on them calling them losers. Santana walked over to Rachel and Kurt. Her throat suddenly felt dry and she started coughing. Brittany ran to the kitchen and got a bottle of water for Santana. She took a drink of water which brought immediate relief. "Um…I know no matter what I say I can never make up for how much I hurt you. I'm so sorry for the things I said to you. And just so you know I have regretted shutting you out for years, it's not just because of my cancer. I'm sorry and I hope that you can one day maybe forgive me. This apology is to you too Quinn." Santana turned to look at Quinn who nodded her head.

Santana stood there waiting for Rachel and Kurt to say something. It was Rachel who finally spoke up. "I accept your apology Santana. I will tell you this though. Through most of high school you called me names, made fun of my clothes, and even threw a slushie in my face once but you never once apologized. Then when you moved in with Kurt and I the teasing continued but I knew it was just teasing. We became good friends and when you called me a loser among other things it hurt me. Even though I was hurt I followed your career and downloaded your music. Santana, I have been so proud of you and what you accomplished. I read what you said at your last concert in Madison Square Garden. I believe you learned your lesson and that fame can't take the place of your friends. I'm going to hug you now." Rachel hugged Santana.

It wasn't long before Kurt joined them in a group hug with tears running down his face. "I forgive you to and I agree with everything Rachel said."

When they stopped hugging Santana looked at all of her friends Brittany, Quinn, Rachel, Kurt, and Puck. "Thank you all for forgiving me. I really want us to be friends again." Santana's voice started fade.

"San you need to not overuse your voice. I brought a gift for you. How about we all go to the kitchen and grab some food and then come back in here to eat?" Brittany grabbed Santana's hand and led her into the kitchen.

When they got to the kitchen Puck of course dug into the pizza and Chinese food first. They had water and soda to drink. Brittany gave Santana a big plastic bag with something in it. When Santana pulled out the object she found a wipe white board with three different colored markers red, blue, and black. "Thanks Britt. This will be easier using my phone to send text messages when the person is in the same room."

"You're welcome and I brought you one other special gift." Brittany took a plastic container out of the grocery bag. "I made you some homemade chicken soup. I remember how you used to love it when you were sick or sad. I thought since you can't eat a lot of solid foods yet this would be good. I'm going to warm some up for you in the microwave."

Brittany put some soup in a bowl to warm it up in the microwave. While she stood there in front of the microwave waiting for the timer to beep she felt arms slip around her waist from behind. She knew it was Santana. Santana spoke in her ear, "Thanks for the soup. I actually starving and can't wait to eat it." Brittany felt her face getting warm.

Their friends who were getting their food and drinks noticed their little exchange. Kurt turned to Quinn and Rachel, "Whatever connection those two had is still there. I just hope they realize how lucky they are to have found it in another person before they waste anymore time apart."

The friends spent the evening eating and catching up. Santana ate two bowls of the chicken soup which made Brittany very happy because the doctor had told Santana if she loses too much weight they would have to put a feeding tube in her stomach. Brittany also knew the side effects of the radiation would make it difficult for Santana to eat.

No one had brought up Santana's surgery or radiation treatment until Rachel decided to bring up the subject. "So Santana when do you start your radiation treatment?" Quinn, Puck, Kurt, and Brittany all looked at Rachel and then to Santana. They all were wondering how Santana would react to the question.

"My first treatment is Monday. I have three treatments a week for 6 weeks." Santana answered in a calm voice.

"Are you scared?" Rachel asked and again everyone was worried how Santana would react to the question. They were used to the Santana who would tell people to mind their own business if they asked personal questions.

Santana didn't answer right away. "Um…to be honest yeah I'm scared."

Quinn could tell Santana was starting to get tired. "It's getting late and I think we should go."

Everyone agreed and each hugged Santana before they left and each said something to her.

Puck – "Just remember I've always got your back Lopez."

Kurt – "I'm sorry it took something tragic to bring us back together but I'm glad were friends again."

Rachel – "I really have missed you. Please keep in touch and call if you need anything."

Quinn- "I'm going to be in town until Wednesday. I'd like to see you again if you're up to it."

Then they were gone and it was just Santana and Brittany sitting on the couch. "I'm so happy that you and our friends are friends again." Brittany said as she laid her head on Santana's shoulder.

"Me too. I can't believe they all forgave me." Santana's voice was getting weaker.

"San, can I spend the night?"

"I would really like for you to spend the night but do you think it's a good idea?" Santana asked.

"I don't have a problem with it but if you are uncomfortable with us sharing a bed I will understand." Santana could hear the sadness in Brittany's voice.

"No it's ok you can spend the night." Santana wasn't sure if it was the best idea but the thought of cuddling with Brittany was stronger than her doubts.

Brittany had taken a shower and was wearing her panties and one of Santana's t-shirts. Santana was taking a shower so Brittany was alone in her room. Brittany noticed a CD sitting on Santana's desk with 'Brittany's Songs' written on the plastic case in Santana's handwriting. Brittany knew she shouldn't listen to the CD but her curiosity got the better. She would just listen to just one song before Santana was finished with her shower. Brittany put the CD in Santana's portable stereo and plugged the headphones in that were also sitting on the desk. The music started playing.

_When I was young__  
I never needed anyone__  
And makin' love was just for fun__  
Those days are gone_

Livin' alone

_I think of all the friends I've known__  
But when I dial the telephone__  
Nobody's home_

All by myself

_Don't wanna be, all by myself anymore__  
All by myself__  
Don't wanna live, all by myself anymore_

Hard to be sure

_Sometimes I feel so insecure__  
And love so distant and obscure__  
Remains the cure_

All by myself

_Don't wanna be, all by myself anymore__  
All by myself__  
Don't wanna live, all by myself anymore_

When I was young

_I never needed anyone__  
And makin' love was just for fun__  
Those days are gone_

All by myself

_Don't wanna be, all by myself anymore__  
All by myself__  
Don't wanna live, all by myself anymore_

All by myself

_Don't wanna be, all by myself anymore__  
All by myself__  
Don't wanna live, all by myself anymore_

Brittany felt like Santana was bearing her soul to her through the words of the song. She had tears falling down her cheeks. The next song on the CD was the one Maribel had heard earlier in the day. Brittany had gotten so lost in the songs that she forgot all about Santana being in the shower. It wasn't until she felt a hand on her shoulder that she remembered she shouldn't be listening to the songs. Brittany turned around to see Santana standing there in a tank top and shorts. The look on her face was one Brittany had seen before, it was Santana's angry face.

"What the hell are you doing Brittany?"

TBC

Songs: You Get Me by Collin Raye

All By Myself by Eric Carmen


	7. Chapter 7

_Ending of the Previous Chapter_

_Brittany felt like Santana was bearing her soul to her through the words of the song. She had tears falling down her cheeks. The next song on the CD was the one Maribel had heard earlier in the day. Brittany had gotten so lost in the songs that she forgot all about Santana being in the shower. It wasn't until she felt a hand on her shoulder that she remembered she shouldn't be listening to the songs. Brittany turned around to see Santana standing there in a tank top and shorts. The look on her face was one Brittany had seen before, it was Santana's angry face._

"_What the hell are you doing Brittany?"_

Brittany quickly turned off the stereo and then fumbled to remove the headphones. She turned to find Santana still looking at her with an angry face. Brittany couldn't find the words to answer Santana's question. "Brittany answer my question what the hell are you doing?" Santana yelled as she spoke the pain showed on her face. The doctor had told her to not talk above a whisper while her throat healed but at that moment Santana didn't care about the doctor's instructions.

Brittany saw the pain on Santana's face from yelling, "San, please calm down your hurting your voice." Brittany got up from the desk chair she had been sitting in and stood in front of Santana.

"Don't call me San and don't tell me to calm down just answer the damn question." Santana continued to yell as she winced in pain. Brittany reached out to take Santana's hand hoping to calm her down but Santana pulled her hand away. "Don't touch me. "

There was a knock at the door. "Santana are you ok?" It was Maribel. Brittany walked over and opened the bedroom door. Maribel looked surprised to see Brittany there because she didn't know she was staying after the get together with Quinn, Rachel, Kurt, and Puck. "What's going on? Why is Santana yelling?"

Maribel walked into the bedroom and saw Santana standing there with her fists clenched and breathing heavily. Maribel put her hand on Santana's shoulder and she pulled away. Maribel turned to Brittany, "Brittany what happened?"

Santana turned around to face both of them before Brittany could answer. "She invaded my privacy is what happened." Santana voice cracked and winced in pain as she shouted.

"Mija, calm down and stop yelling. You are only hurting yourself sweetie."

"She listened to the CD without asking me. It was private not for anyone to hear." Santana's voice was much softer as the tears started to fall.

"Santana, I'm sorry I listened to a couple of songs. I saw the CD case lying there with Brittany's Songs written on the case and my curiosity got the best of me. You're right it was private and I shouldn't have listened. Please forgive me." Brittany pleaded. She had never seen Santana react this way before.

Santana shook her head no. "Please go."

"Please don't do this." Brittany had tears starting fall down her face.

"I'm asking you to leave." Santana voice was noticeably raspier than before from all of the yelling and she went into the bathroom.

Maribel looked at Brittany, "I know it's late but I think it's best if you go home. I would ask you to stay in the guestroom but I think for Santana's sake it's best if you aren't in the house. I'm sorry Brittany but I've got to think about Santana's well-being right now. I know you didn't mean anything by listening to the CD. I heard her playing the CD earlier today and the song I heard was beautiful. Give Santana the night to calm down."

Brittany didn't say a word she quickly grabbed her clothes and put her jeans and shoes. She looked at Maribel, "I'm so sorry I didn't mean to upset Santana. I hope all of the yelling hasn't hurt her throat." Brittany walked out of the bedroom, walked downstairs, and out of the front door.

Maribel knocked on the bathroom door, "She's gone you can come out of hiding now."

Santana came out of the bathroom and sat down on her bed. "I wasn't hiding."

Maribel wasn't going to argue with Santana, "Is your throat ok? I could hear you yelling in your father's and my bedroom."

"I'll be fine. Where's Papi it's late?"

"He got call in to do an emergency operation. Brittany didn't mean to invade your privacy. She's used to the way things used to be when you two shared everything."

"Well that was the past and things aren't like they used to be. We're not together like we were when we shared everything." Santana yawned.

"You better get some rest." Maribel kissed Santana on the forehead and walked out of the bedroom.

Santana got into bed. A part of her couldn't help but think that Brittany could be lying beside her right now if she hadn't asked her to leave but at the same time Brittany shouldn't have listened to the CD.

Brittany had cried on the drive back to her parent's house. She quietly went into the house and upstairs to her bedroom. She took off her jeans and shoes. It was then she realized she still had on the t-shirt Santana had given her to sleep in so she decided to leave it on as she got into bed. Brittany couldn't help but feel lonely because she had hoped she would be lying in bed beside Santana tonight.

Santana managed to get about 8 hours sleep but not until she got up and took a pain pill because her throat was killing her. If she hadn't taken the pain pill she would've have a restless night. She wasn't as angry at Brittany as she was the night before for listening to the CD. If the shoe had been on the other foot Santana probably would've listened to the CD too. Santana was upset because she hadn't decided whether or not she was going to share the songs on the CD with Brittany and now that choice had been taken away from her.

After Santana ate breakfast she took her mother's car and drove around Lima. The town hadn't really changed much at all. She wasn't really driving around town to reminisce or anything like that she trying to get up the nerve to go to Brittany's parents house to talk her. Finally she bit the bullet, drove to their house, and pulled into the driveway.

Santana walked to the front door and rang the doorbell. The door opened and their stood Bethany Brittany's younger sister. She was a young woman now the last time Santana had seen her she was just pre-teen. "Santana, I can't believe you are here." Bethany hugged Santana, those damn Pierces and their hugs. Santana didn't really mind though she hugged Bethany back. "I love all of your songs. My friends at college never believed me when I told them I knew you knew and that you used to be my sister's girlfriend." Santana gave her a small smile. "Is Britt home?" She spoke in a whisper.

"Yeah she's upstairs in her bedroom. I'm sure you remember where it is." Santana smile and nodded her head. "Um…Santana…I'm sorry about your voice." Santana stopped walking up the stair and looked at Bethany, "Thanks".

When Santana got to Brittany's bedroom door it was closed so she knocked. "Bethany, I already told you I have a headache and to please leave me alone."

Santana didn't know what to do because she knew she couldn't talk loud enough to tell Brittany it was her knocking on her door and not Bethany. Santana pulled out her phone and sent Brittany a text message. Brittany opened the door. Santana could tell Brittany had been crying and she hadn't slept much the night before. "Can I come in?"

Brittany nodded her head a moved to the side to let Santana in the room before closing the door. Santana was amazed that Brittany's room looked the same as it did the last time she was in it. She sat down on the bed and Brittany sat beside her. "Britt, I'm sorry for the way I acted last night. I overreacted. It's just that those songs were private."

"You don't need to apologize I'm one who owes you an apology. I shouldn't have listened to the CD even if I was curious because it had Brittany's songs written on the case. I'm so sorry Santana."

"It's really ok. What did you think of the songs you listened to?'

"I only listened to two of them and they were beautiful. Did you really write them for me?"

"Yeah, the first one I wrote when we were in high school. I wrote those songs but never recorded them so when I found out I wouldn't be able to sing again I went to the recording studio and recorded them a couple of days before my surgery. I wanted to record them because I didn't want to regret not recording them in the future just in case I wanted I had the opportunity to share them with you." Santana's voice was fading in and out. She had really hurt it with all of the yelling she did the night before.

Santana and Brittany stared into each other's eyes before leaning in and kissing. Their lips barely touched at first but then they deepened the kiss. Santana suddenly pulled away. "I'm sorry San I shouldn't have kissed you."

"Don't be sorry Britt I wanted to kiss you too. I had to pull away because my throat was starting hurt I'm sorry I didn't want to pull away."

"It's ok we shouldn't be kissing anyway you and we both know why it's not a good idea." Brittany said as she looked down at the floor.

"You're right we shouldn't be kissing. Well I guess I'm going to go. It was good to see you again after all these years. I hope your career continues to thrive." Santana got up off the bed, walked to the door, opened it, went downstairs, and out the front door.

Brittany sat on her bed stunned at what Santana had just said to her it was like she was saying a goodbye forever or something. Brittany ran down the stairs and stopped Santana before she got into the car. "What was that all about cause it sounded like a final goodbye to me?"

"It was I know it's what you want so I wasn't going to fight you on it. It's ok I understand. My life is so fucked up right now and I have no idea what my life will be like after my radiation treatment. I get it Britt and it's really ok." Santana started to get into the car but Brittany grabbed her arm.

"I have no idea what you are talking about?"

"Upstairs just now after I told you I wanted to kiss you, you said that we shouldn't be kissing anyway we both know why. I understand we've hurt each other that why you said we shouldn't be kissing. Who would want to be with me? I won't ever be able to sing again and who knows what my future hold for me."

Brittany smiled, "That's not what I meant at all. I meant that we both know you shouldn't be kissing since your throat is sore and let's face it there are germs in our mouths and I'd hate for you to get an infection or anything. You are fragile right now because you haven't been able to eat properly and I would hate to be the reason you got sick or something. San, I told you that I was going to be with you during your radiation treatment and I meant it. I want you in my life. I'd like to for us to be together again and I don't mean just as friends. I want to support you and help you handle whatever the future holds."

Santana found herself overwhelmed by Brittany's words so she hugged Brittany and cried.

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

The first day of Santana's radiation treatment was upon her and she was scared to death. She didn't know what to expect from the treatment. Brittany was picking her up at 9:30 to drive her to the hospital for her 10 o'clock treatment. After Brittany's declaration the day before that she wanted them to be more than friends they spent the rest of the day just hanging out and talking about things they had missed in each other's lives the past eight years. They didn't really talk about whether or not they were a couple again. Brittany would've loved to talk about it but when Santana's reaction was to break down into her arms Brittany knew Santana wasn't ready to discuss the status of their relationship yet. She knew Santana had so much on her mind with her career-ending surgery and upcoming radiation treatment that she decided not to push Santana to do the best thing she could do and that was be there for Santana.

Santana's parents wanted to be there for her first radiation treatment since she was having a consultation with her doctor before the treatment. He was going to discuss what was going to happen over the next six weeks with her treatment. It was now 10 o'clock and four of them were sitting in the doctor's office listening to him discuss Santana's treatment. Santana and Brittany sat in two chairs in front of the doctor's desk while Carlos and Maribel sat on a couch off to the side.

The doctor had just started talking and Santana felt herself wanting to run out of the office and keep running until she was far away from the hospital. She felt Brittany take her hand and when she looked at Brittany could tell Brittany knew exactly what was going through her mind. Brittany squeezed her hand as they listened to the doctor.

"Santana your radiation treatment will be 3 times a week Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for the next six weeks. Your treatment will be given at 10 o'clock and will last approximately 30 minutes each time. For the first week of your treatment chances are you won't fill any side effects from it. Once you get into the second week the main side effect will be fatigue. Fatigue will be one of the main side effects during the entire six weeks of your treatment. After the second week you are likely to notice other side effects such as a metallic taste in your mouth so food won't taste very good. You will also likely develop some soreness in your mouth, on your tongue and lips. Santana it will be very important that you brush your teeth several times a day and use a mouth wash made of baking soda and water. Don't use regular mouthwash because the alcohol in it will make the soreness in your mouth worse. You will need to eat bland food , no spicy food. It will be extremely important that you drink a lot of water every day. If you find it too difficult to eat and drink there is the possibility you will have to have a feed tube inserted in your stomach. Santana, you have already lost weight since your surgery and you really can't afford to lose much more weight so I think keeping your weight at an acceptable level is going to one of our biggest challenges during your therapy."

Santana hadn't noticed it but her gripped on Brittany's hand had gotten tighter and tighter the longer the doctor talked. It wasn't until Brittany moved her hand that Santana realized how tightly she was holding it. She looked at Brittany and what she saw in Brittany's eyes made her look away. Brittany had tears in her eyes. Santana didn't know if it was because she was in pain from having her hand squeezed so hard or if it was from what the doctor had just told them.

The doctor asked Santana if she had any questions about her treatment and she said not at the moment but she was sure she would once the treatment started. He said he understand that it was a lot to take in all at once. The doctor also assured Santana that her having treatment at the hospital would be confidential. All employees had been reminded they were not to discuss Santana's presence at the hospital with anyone including family and friends. Santana knew she was lucky so far that the press hadn't found out she was in Lima recuperating from her surgery and getting treatment.

Brittany, Carlos, and Maribel walked with Santana to the room where she would be receiving her radiation treatment. Her parents hugged her and told her they loved her and would be waiting right outside for her. Brittany hugged Santana and as the two stood there Santana found herself not wanting to let go but at the same time she was worried if Brittany was really ready to go through six weeks of treatment with her. Santana whispered in Brittany's ear, "You know you don't have to do this. I'll understand if you want to walk away and not have to go through this with me."

Brittany sniffled as the tears fell and she whispered in Santana's ear, "I promised you that I'd be here for you during your treatment and I'm not going anywhere. You are stuck with me now and forever." The two women pulled out of the hug and shared a gentle, sweet kiss. It was then a woman came and took Santana into the radiation treatment room.

Brittany walked over to where Santana's parents were sitting in the waiting area. She said down beside Maribel who immediately took Brittany's hand, "She's going to be ok. Santana is a strong woman physically and mentally." Brittany couldn't help it she had to let out the emotions she had been holding in since they sat in the doctor's office. Maribel and Carlos both hugged Brittany has she cried.

Santana walked out of the radiation treatment room about 30 minutes later. Brittany rushed to her side and gave her hug. Carlos and Maribel then hugged their daughter. Before anyone could ask how the treatment went Santana spoke, "Britt, please just take me home." Brittany looked at Santana's parents who both nodded in agreement they knew Santana just wanted to go home and be by herself.

The ride to the Lopez house was quiet. Brittany held Santana's hand the entire ride while Santana looked out the car door window. When they got to the house Santana got out of the car and started to walk to the house. She turned around when she noticed Brittany wasn't walking with her. She saw Brittany was still sitting in the car. Santana didn't know whether to go back to the car and ask why Brittany hadn't gotten out of the car or if this was Brittany's way of saying she didn't want to come in the house. Santana really wanted Brittany to come into the house with her.

Brittany was sitting in the car wondering pretty much thing about Santana. Did she want her to come into the house with her or did she want her to leave so she could have time to herself? Brittany knew what she wanted to do, she wanted to get out of the car and go into the house and be with Santana. However, Brittany wanted to give Santana her space if she needed it.

Brittany saw Santana turned around and look at her sitting in the car. For moment she thought that meant Santana wanted her to get out of the car but when Santana turned back around and started walking to the house Brittany felt it was Santana's way of telling her she needed to be alone. Brittany was about to start the car when something told her no she needed to be with Santana so she got out of the car and ran to catch up with Santana before she got to the house. Santana heard the car door open and close. Santana kept walking as she held out her hand and Brittany took it without either one saying a word as they walked to the house.

When they got into the house they walked still hand in hand and sat down on the couch. Santana immediately laid her head on Brittany's shoulder. Brittany kissed the top of her head. "Are you hungry?" Santana shook her head no. "What do you want to do?"

Santana lifted her head from Brittany's shoulder, "I don't know. I don't really feel like doing much anything just sitting here for right now."

"Ok, we can just sit here for awhile. By the way do you know you have a small black dot on your forehead and one your chin too?"

Santana looked away from Brittany, "It's for the radiation treatment. They had to measure and put a small black dot on forehead, chin, and one by each ear. It's so the radiation is aimed at the area where the cancerous growth was on my vocal cord."

Brittany noticed the dot by Santana's right ear and felt like kicking herself for asking about it. She should've known the dots had something to do with Santana's treatment. "I'm sorry San I should've known."

Santana just shrugged her shoulders. "How would you know? I didn't know about it until I they took into the treatment room. The doctor didn't mention anything about it. I have to make sure I don't remove the dots when I remove my make up today or when I wash my face. They used a permanent marker to put the dots on and the radiation therapist said it's best if I don't wear makeup when I go for my treatments so I think I just won't wear make up at all for the next six weeks I hope my face doesn't scare you away."

Santana smiled a little so Brittany knew she was half kidding about her comment but she also knew how looking beautiful was important to Santana. "I love the way you look all made up but I think I love you more without makeup. You have such a natural beauty that always takes my breath my away."

"Well, Britt you haven't seen me in my natural state in 8 years I might not take your breath away anymore."

Brittany wanted to show Santana is was wrong so she leaned in and gently kissed her on the lips. When she pulled back Santana started to lean in again but Brittany pulled back further. "I don't want you to get sick if I have germs."

"I don't remember the doctor saying anything about not kissing today. Britt, I understand about your concern so how about we kiss with our lips closed and no tongues? Unless you want to go six weeks without us kissing."

Brittany leaned back in and kissed Santana. The kiss started to get more passionate and they didn't realize how difficult it would be to not kiss without opening their months. After a few moments they seemed to find a compromise on kissing, a little opened mouth but no tongues. After a few minutes of passionate kissing they pulled apart to breathe. Brittany looked into Santana's eyes and she knew the look she saw very well. It was Santana's I want to make love to you right now look.

"Britt let's go upstairs to my room." Santana waited to see how Brittany was going to respond to her request. Brittany nodded her head yes which made Santana smile. Brittany took hold of Santana's hand and pulled her up off the couch and they walked upstairs to Santana's room.

When they got to the room Santana was the first to lay down on her bed on right side. Brittany lay down on her left side so they were face to face. They started kissing again and got closer to each other so their bodies were touching. It was still amazing to them how just the touch of their bodies together like that made their whole body tingle. Both had been with other women since their breakup but they never felt like they felt right now with anyone else.

Santana pulled away from the kiss, "Um…I don't know how much you have read about me in the press the past few years but I want you to know I haven't been with nearly as many women as they have reported. Three that's how many just in case you were wondering and none of them were nameless one night stands."

Brittany stroke Santana's face, "I didn't really pay any attention to the gossip but thanks for telling me. I've been with a couple of other women that were in the dance groups I toured with but nothing serious.

They started kissing again and each second the kiss deepened and became more passionate. Santana gently pushed Brittany on her back and while laying half on Brittany began to passionately kissed Brittany's neck which made her moan. Brittany snaked her hand under Santana's shirt…when there was a knock at the door.

"Santana and Brittany, I just wanted you to know I'm home and I'm going to fix us some lunch so come down stairs in about twenty minutes." Maribel said through the door.

"Ok, Mami. Do you need any help?" Santana was out of breath from making out with Brittany and hoped her mother didn't notice.

"No, you two just continue doing whatever you are doing." Maribel walked away from the door.

Brittany laughed while Santana rolled her eyes. "Your mother must have sex radar because she is the one parent who has interrupted our sweet lady kisses the most often." Brittany saw a big smile on Santana's face which showed her dimples. It's the smile Brittany loves so much. "What's the smile for?"

"You said sweet lady kisses I haven't heard that in years. I'm sorry about my mom and I guess we really can't continue with what we were doing now that she's home. I missed you so much."

Brittany noticed how quickly Santana's mood changed to serious and kind of sad. "I missed you to San."

"Britt, I'm so sorry for the way I ignored you and treated you after I moved to New York. We lost a lot of time we could've been together."

"You already apologized to me Santana and I accepted it so no more apologizing. I know how difficult it was for us to not be a part of each other's lives for the past eight years but if we didn't spent that time a part we wouldn't be where we are today and I'm right where I want to be." Brittany kissed Santana sweetly on the lips. "There's something I want to ask you San but I don't want to upset you so if the answer is no tell me and I will drop it ok? (Santana nods her head) Can I listen to the rest of the songs you wrote for me?"

Santana thought for a few moments, "Yeah but I don't want to be around when you listen to them. I want you to go somewhere where you will be by yourself so you can really listen to the words. You said you listened to the first two songs the rest of the songs I wrote at different points over the past eight years. Britt, I have a question for you. You told me when we first starting talking again that you had some of my songs on your MP3 player. Why only some of them?"

Brittany acted embarrassed, "Well to be honest I don't really like some of your songs because to me they just don't seem like you."

Santana nodded her head, "I understand and I bet I could tell you which songs you felt that way about because there songs my record company made me record that I didn't feel fit me and what I want my music to say. We'd better get downstairs before my mother comes looking for us."

Santana and Brittany had just gotten off the bed when Brittany's cell phone rang. It was Quinn. "She had first treatment this morning and everything went ok. Um..I don't know I'll ask her." Brittany turned to Santana, "Quinn wants to know if she can stop by tomorrow afternoon to see you because she leaving Lima on Wednesday." Santana nodded her head yes. "Tomorrow afternoon will be ok. Bye Quinn."

"Britt, will you be here tomorrow when Quinn stops by?"

"If you want me to I will be here." Brittany could tell Santana was nervous about seeing Quinn again even though she had accepted Santana's apology when she saw her on Saturday.

"I'd like you to be here besides I know you've missed Quinn too."

"Santana don't make me come up there get your butt down here for lunch." Maribel yelled up the stairs.

Brittany laughed, "It's like we're back in high school again. I guess some things never change."

Santana felt like a teenager again, "Come up Britt next thing you know she will be asking us at lunch why the bedroom door was closed because the bedroom door open house rule is still in effect."

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

Santana and Brittany never did get back to their 'sweet lady kisses' after they were interrupted by Maribel. The three of them ate lunch together and Santana opened up and told them about her first radiation treatment. There wasn't really much to tell because she just lays there not being able to move. After lunch Santana made Brittany a copy of her CD of songs she had written for her over the past eight years. Brittany left in the afternoon so she could be alone and really listen to the words of each song as Santana had requested her to do.

It was now 9 o'clock that night and Santana hadn't heard from Brittany since she had left in the afternoon. Even though Brittany hadn't said she would contact Santana later she had just assumed Brittany would at least text her or something. Santana was worried that maybe she shouldn't have let Brittany listen to the songs she had written for her over the years they were apart. Maybe those songs and their lyrics were just too much for Brittany to handle. What if Santana lost Brittany again just after she got her back in life?

When it got to be 11 o'clock Santana couldn't stand it any longer so she sent Brittany a text message.

_Hey Britt thought I'd hear from you tonight. Hope everything Is ok. I'm going to bed cause I'm really tired. Guess I'll see you tomorrow afternoon when Quinn stops by to visit. Love you Santana xoxo_

Santana wanted the text to sound casual like she wasn't freaking out that she hadn't heard from Brittany since she left that afternoon. Santana got ready for bed and tried to stay awake just in case Brittany replied to her text but Santana's body was too tired physically and she soon feel asleep.

Santana woke up to find her room lit up from the daylight outside. She looked the clock on her nightstand and she was shocked to find it read 10 AM. She had slept for ten hours straight. When she woke up more her mind went directly to Brittany and she checked her phone for a text message but to her disappointment there wasn't any text or voice mail from Brittany. Santana felt her heart breaking she knew something was definitely wrong and she knew it had to do with the songs she had written for Brittany. They were too much from Brittany to handle and she should've never agreed to let Brittany listen to them.

Santana felt her lip quiver as she tried her best to fight off the tears but she couldn't help it. She had lost Brittany again and this time she knew it would be for good. There was a knock on her bedroom door. "Mija are you awake?" Her mother asked.

Santana quickly took a tissue from the nightstand and dried her tears and blew her nose. "Yeah you can come in." Santana's voice was extremely raspy from the surgery still on top of her crying.

Maribel opened the door and walked into the room. Santana was sitting up in bed with her head looking down. Maribel sat on the edge of the bed. "I was beginning to wonder if you were going to sleep until noon like you used to when you were in high school. Are you feeling ok?"

"I'm ok I was just really tired I guess. I was surprised I slept that long without waking up." Santana still wouldn't look up at her mother.

"Santana you've been crying. What's wrong?" Maribel's voice was soft and full of concern.

Santana knew she couldn't fool her mother because she could always read her like a book. "It's Brittany. I haven't heard from her since she left yesterday afternoon. I gave her a copy of the CD of songs I wrote for her so she could listen to them. Something in the songs must have upset her or maybe she decided going through my treatments with me was going to be too much for her after all. I sent her a text message last night and I she hasn't replied. I just got her back in my life and I think I lost her already, and this time it's probably for good." Santana started crying again.

Maribel moved closer so she could hug Santana. Santana held on tight to her mother and cried. "I don't know why Brittany hasn't got in touch with you since she left yesterday afternoon but I do know she would never just walk away from you. Both of you have grown up so much since you two were together last time. Just give her some time I'm sure it was just as emotional for her to listen to those songs as it was for you to write them. You wrote them over a period of eight years she listened to all them at the same time. I'm sure she'll contact you before she comes over today when Quinn is going to stop by. Now how about you take a shower and get dressed while fix you something to eat." Maribel got up from the bed and left the room.

Santana wanted so much to believe everything her mother had just said to her but she wasn't so sure about it. She decided to just go on with the day and give Brittany the space she apparently needed right now.

It was now almost 2 o'clock and time for Quinn to stop by. Santana still hadn't heard from Brittany and she assumed she wasn't going to show up to see Quinn. The doorbell rang and Santana was hoping it was Brittany but when she opened the door she saw Quinn standing there.

"Well you could at least put on fake smile when you answer the door to make a girl feel welcomed." Quinn said with a smile on her face.

Santana smiled at what Quinn said. She realized she probably had a disappointed look on her face since she was hoping it was Brittany. Santana hugged Quinn and then invited her in the house. "San, these are for you. (Quinn held out a bouquet of fresh flowers) I never thought I'd be giving Santana Lopez flowers but it just seemed like the right thing to do today."

Santana took the flowers from Quinn. "Thanks they are beautiful but this doesn't mean we are going to make out this afternoon." Quinn rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Let me go find a vase for the flowers."

Santana came back into the living room a few minutes later with the flowers in a vase. They then went and sat on the couch. "Where's Brittany I thought she was going to join us?"

"Um…no she's not going to be joining us." Santana didn't know what else to say.

Quinn may have not been around Santana for several years but she could still read her friend like a book. Something is definitely wrong. "What's going on with you two and don't tell me nothing because you know that I know."

Santana should've known Quinn would know something was wrong. "I'm not really sure what's going on. I haven't heard from Britt since she left here yesterday afternoon. I've texted her but I didn't get a response."

Quinn waited. "And I know there's more you aren't telling me so please continue."

"I wrote some songs over the years about Britt while we were apart. I never recorded them for a CD because they really aren't the type of songs my record company wanted me to sing and besides that they are very private. When I found out I can throat cancer and wouldn't be able to sing again I recorded them before my surgery so I would always have them. Britt found out about them and yesterday I gave her a CD copy of the songs to listen to on her own. I think the songs may have been too much for her or something because I haven't heard from her since." Santana's voice was cracking with all of the talking.

"San, I'm sure she just needs some time to gather her thoughts and feelings. When I saw you two together the other night it was like you two hadn't spend any time a part at all. The love you have for each other is so evident. She's not going anywhere this time I can just feel it. So how was your first treatment?"

"It was ok. I don't feel any side effects yet but I probably will later on. Let's not talk about me I'm tired of talking about me all of the time. Tell what's happening in the life of Quinn Fabray?"

"Well, I graduated from Yale and now I'm a lawyer in NYC and I'm getting married in two months to a wonderful businessman."

Santana hugged Quinn, "That's fantastic. Congratulations!"

"Thanks. The wedding is actually going to be her in Lima and I would love for you and Britt to be my bridesmaids."

"Quinn, I would love to but in a couple of months I'm not sure how I will be physically but I'm sure Britt would love it because she loves weddings."

"Do you think you and Brittany will ever get married? It's legal in New York now you know."

Santana shrugged her shoulders "I have no idea what the future holds at all."

Brittany had been listening to Santana's CD since 7 o'clock the evening before and she just couldn't stop herself from wanting to hear the songs again and again. She knew how difficult it was for her to be without Santana for the eight years they were a part but she had no idea what Santana was going through at the same time. Brittany had convinced herself that Santana had moved on and probably didn't think about her at all and then when she heard the songs Santana wrote it blew her away. Santana was hurting just as much as she was during their time a part.

Brittany was at the park sitting on a bench by the small creek listening to the songs once again. She put songs from the CD onto her IPod. She knew she was supposed to be at Santana's visiting with Quinn but she just couldn't bring herself to go. It wasn't that she didn't want to see Quinn because she did she missed her so much it was just that she couldn't sit in the same room as Santana without getting emotional. Brittany was sure Santana was thinking the worst because she hadn't called or replied to her text but she just wasn't ready to talk to Santana yet.

Brittany listened to another song as she sat there watching the water of the small creek.

_Did I disappoint you or let you down?  
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?  
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,  
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.  
So I took what's mine by eternal right.  
Took your soul out into the night.  
It may be over but it won't stop there,  
I am here for you if you'd only care._

_You touched my heart you touched my soul.  
You changed my life and all my goals.  
And love is blind and that I knew when,  
My heart was blinded by you.  
I've kissed your lips and held your head.  
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.  
I know you well, I know your smell.  
I've been addicted to you._

Goodbye my lover.  
Goodbye my friend.  
You have been the one.  
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,  
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.  
And as you move on, remember me,  
Remember us and all we used to be  
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.  
I've watched you sleeping for a while.  
I'd be the mother of your child.  
I'd spend a lifetime with you.  
I know your fears and you know mine.  
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,  
And I love you, I swear that's true.  
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.  
Goodbye my friend.  
You have been the one.  
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.  
In mine when I'm asleep.  
And I will bear my soul in time,  
When I'm kneeling at your feet.

_Goodbye my lover.  
Goodbye my friend.  
You have been the one.  
You have been the one for me.  
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.  
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow._

The tears streamed down Brittany's face as the next song started.

_If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?__  
__If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?__  
__If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call?__  
__If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all?__I never know what the future brings__  
__But I know you are here with me now__  
__We will make it through__  
__And I hope you are the one I share my life with__I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand__  
__If I am not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?__  
__Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?__If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?__  
__If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?__  
__If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?__  
__If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?__I don't know why you're so far away__  
__But I know that this much is true__  
__We will make it through__  
__And I hope you're the one I share my life with__  
__And I wish that you could be the one I die with__  
__And I pray in you're the one I build my home with__  
__I hope I love you all my life__I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand__  
__If I am not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?__  
__Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?__Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away__  
__And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today__  
__Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right__  
__And though I can't be with you tonight__  
__And know my heart is by your side__I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand__  
__If I am not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?__  
__Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?_

Brittany suddenly felt the need to be with Santana. She got into her mother's car and drove to the Lopez house. She ran to the front door. She didn't care that she was in her sweats and a hoodie or that her hair was in a ponytail and a mess. She didn't even have any makeup on but she knew it wouldn't matter to Santana. Brittany rang the doorbell three times and then started knocking on the door.

When the door opened there stood a puzzled looking Santana and before she had time to react to Brittany standing there Brittany launched herself into Santana's arms. Santana held Brittany while she sobbed. Quinn had gone with Santana to see who was ringing the door bell and knocking on the door so frantically. When she saw it was Brittany and how she was crying Quinn went back into the living room to sit down and give them time alone.

After Brittany calmed down she pulled her head back and kissed Santana gently and lovingly. When they pulled apart from the kiss Brittany looked into Santana's eyes with such love that it sent a shiver through Santana's body. "I love you so much San. I'm sorry I didn't call or text you but I was so blown away by your songs that I didn't know what to say. I have listened to them over and over and over again. I had no idea you were hurting and missing me just as much as I was missing you. I'm so glad you decided to record these songs before your surgery because you are the only person who should ever sing them."

Santana didn't know what to say so she hugged Brittany tightly for a several moments. "I love you too and like said before I never once stopped loving you when we were apart."

Quinn suddenly appeared, "I'm just going to go it seems like you two need to spend some time alone together."

Brittany hugged Quinn, "Please don't go. I'm sorry that I'm such a mess but I really want to spend time with you before you leave. Santana and I can talk more later." Brittany looked at Santana who winked at her.

"Ok, if you're sure I'll stay." The three friends walked into the living room and spent the rest of the afternoon catching up .

Songs: Goodbye My Lover By James Blunt and If You're Not the One by Daniel Bedingfield


	10. Chapter 10

"I can't believe Quinn is getting married in two months." Brittany said as she stroked Santana's hair.

After Quinn left the two went up to Santana's bedroom to lie down because both of them were feeling tired. Brittany was lying on her back while Santana laid on her right side with her head resting on Brittany's chest.

"I'm so happy for her. She's always had a rough time when it comes to love but her fiancée sounds like a really nice guy. I'm glad you agreed to be one of her bridesmaids." Santana's voice seemed less raspy when she was relaxed like she is now.

"I almost told her no since you had already told her no because you weren't sure how you'd be feeling then." Brittany really wished Santana could be a bridesmaid along side her.

"Why would you tell her no just because I had told her no?"

Brittany kissed the top of Santana's head while she continued to stroke her hair. "Because I want to be able to sit with you just in case you need me. Being a bridesmaid means I will be up front during the wedding and that I will have to sit at a special table during the reception."

"I'm sure Quinn won't mind if we sit together during the reception." Just then Santana's phone buzzed for an incoming text.

_On my way to the airport. Had a great time catching up with you and Britt. Hope your radiation therapy goes well tomorrow. I'll keep in touch. Take Care of yourself and Britt too. Love ,Q_

"It's from Quinn she's on her way to the airport." Brittany read the text on the Santana's phone. Santana replied.

_It was great spending time with you too. Thx for the well wishes for my therapy. We'll make sure to keep in touch too. Have a good flight. Britt wants to know if she and I will be able to sit together during your wedding reception. Love, S & B_

_I wouldn't think of keeping you and Britt apart at the reception. We are going to let the bridesmaids and groomsmen sit with their significant others. I'll talk to you soon._

"There does that make you feel better that we will be sitting together during the reception?" Santana snuggled close to Brittany's neck and planting gentle kisses along it.

"Yeah it does. I thought you were tired and wanted to take nap." Brittany giggled as Santana continued to kiss her neck.

"I am actually exhausted but I keep remembering how my mother interrupted our sweet lady kisses yesterday. We have some unfinished business."

"Um San…I don't think that's such a good idea right now."

Santana continued to kiss Brittany's neck. "My parents aren't home."

"No that's not why now isn't a good time."

Santana stopped kissing Brittany's neck. "It's those songs isn't it? They've changed something between us."

"What? Oh no sweetie. Those songs didn't change anything between us. Well that's not totally true they did change something between us but it's all for the better. Listening to you sing those songs that you wrote just for me has made love you even more and I never thought that was possible. I just meant that we can't get our sweet lady kisses on because my unwelcome visitor is here."

Santana's face showed she understood. "Oh, I'm sorry sweetie. Is it as bad for you as it used to be when we were in high school? You'd sometimes miss a day of school your cramps were so bad."

"No, I don't have bad cramps anymore since my doctor put me on birth control pills."

Santana scowled at Brittany. "You're a lesbian on birth control?"

"Well actually you know how I hate labels because I've always love the person not the gender but yeah I'm on birth control."

Santana looked away from Brittany remembering how Brittany always seemed to enjoy sex with guys a lot more than she ever did. Santana didn't enjoy sex with guys at all but Brittany was capable of loving anyone physically and enjoying it. Brittany had admitted she hooked up with a couple of girls over the past eight years but she didn't say anything about guys. Santana knew Brittany might leave out the guys because she would know that it would upset Santana more than hearing about the girls. Santana had always had a difficult time with Brittany's tendency to be bisexual because she was so afraid Brittany would realize a guy could give her things Santana couldn't give her. Mostly a life where she wouldn't be judged by other people and children.

Santana suddenly turned so she was now lying with her back to Brittany. "I'm going to take a nap. You can stay and take one too or if you'd rather go home that's ok too. I know you were up all night listening to those songs so you might want to go to bed early tonight."

Brittany of course noticed the change in Santana's demeanor and she knew what caused it. Brittany moved closer and rolled onto her left side so she her front was to Santana's back. She put her hand on Santana's hip. "I didn't start taking birth control pills so I could have sex with guys and not have to worry about getting pregnant. I started taking them because I had such horrible cramps during my period and it was interfering with my ability to dance during that time. I couldn't afford to take a night or two off every month. Just so you know I had sex with one guy over the past eight years. He was a guy I danced with and it was a mistake. Or maybe it wasn't a mistake because I learned afterwards that I never want to have sex with another guy. I kind of enjoyed having sex with guys in high school before you and I started having sex but once I had sex with you no one, either man or woman, could make me feel the way you did. And do you know why? Because even when were first got together and we both thought it was more like experimenting it wasn't experimenting at all. It was making love even though we didn't know it yet. When we had sex it was so much more than just a physical act. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about having sex with that one guy but I really didn't think it was important."

Santana put her hand on top of Brittany's hand that was on her hip and laced their fingers together. "I'm sorry I overreacted. I just have always had this thing about you having sex with guys that bothered me. Britt, I really am tired and I'm not just saying that to avoid talking. I know you wanted to talk about the songs I wrote but can we do it tomorrow?"

"Yeah of course we can talk tomorrow. I am really exhausted because I didn't sleep at all last night." Brittany leaned over and kissed Santana on cheek. "Sweet dreams baby."

Brittany moved away from Santana so she could get off the bed and go home but before she moved too far Santana grabbed her by the wrist. "Can you please stay and cuddle with me? You don't have to if you'd rather go home."

Brittany moved closer to Santana once and a wrapped her arm around Santana's waist. "You don't ever have to ask me to stay and cuddle with you because the answer is always going to be yes. I just going to set my alarm on my phone so I can get up early and go home to shower and change clothes before you go for your radiation therapy."

The two were asleep within a matter of a few minutes.

The next morning after going home and showering Brittany returned to the Lopez house to pick Santana up and take her to her second radiation therapy treatment. The therapy went ok and afterwards Santana and Brittany went back to the Lopez house and spent time together relaxing and watching movies. Santana was finally starting to eat more but she knew as her radiation treatments went along that could change because it could become difficult for her swallow and the worst part her lips and throat could get sores on them. She kept using lip balm on her lips like the doctor had told her use. Since her appetite was back for now she was going to eat as much as possible and try to again back some of the weight she'd lost. Brittany and Santana's parents noticed over the next couple of days that Santana was eating better and which made them feel better because they worried she was losing too much weight.

Thursday afternoon Santana went over to the Pierce house to spend time with Brittany and her sister Bethany. After they ate lunch they went up to Brittany's bedroom to take a nap. Santana was feeling tired and the doctor told her to take naps. Santana was lying with her head resting on Brittany's chest. "San, do you remember that little cabin in the woods my father built when we were kids?"

Santana laughed, "Of course I remember that cabin. It was the place we went when needed alone time for our sweet lady kisses."

"Well, I was wondering if you'd like to go there with me for the weekend. I want to spend time alone just us two and it's difficult with both of staying at our parents' homes. We aren't teenagers anymore we are adults and we need time together."

"Britt, that sounds wonderful but I'm not sure I will be able to control myself once we are there. As you call it your unwelcome visitor is here so that means no sexy times."

Brittany kissed the top of Santana's head. "Well by my math Saturday will be the 5th day so Sunday should be ok."

Santana lifted her head from Brittany's chest and looked into her eyes. What she saw took her breath away. Brittany's eyes were full of love. Santana leaned up and kissed Brittany passionately. "I love you."

"I love you baby."

The next day was Friday and Santana's third radiation therapy treatment. Brittany parked the car in the hospital parking lot and before they could get out about ten paparazzi converged on the car shouting questions and taking pictures. "Santana is it true you came home to Lima because you only have six months to live?" "Is the blonde your girlfriend?"

"Britt, start the car and leave." Santana was putting her head down trying to hide from the cameras taking pictures.

Brittany got on her cell phone and called the hospital security. Soon hospital security had escorted the paparazzi off the hospital property. Brittany was told to drive to the back entrance of the hospital so Santana could go inside for her treatment. When they got inside Santana went for her treatment wondering who had told the paparazzi where she was. Did someone in LA find out or did someone in Lima find out? Was it someone at the hospital?

When Santana finished her treatment all she wanted to do was go home but she wondered if the paparazzi knew where her parent's house was now too. Santana was surprised to hear shouting when she went to the waiting room where Brittany was waiting for her.

"It was your job to protect her and make sure no one knew she was here getting treatment." Brittany was shouting. Santana was shocked because in all of the years she had known Brittany she had never heard her yell like this.

"I know Ms. Pierce I can't apologize enough on behalf of the hospital that this happened. The staff member has been fired and was escorted off hospital grounds."

"That is all fine and good but the damage has already been done. Now Santana won't be able to have the peace she needs to heal and get better. I wouldn't be surprised if she decides to sue the hospital. You know her father is a well respected surgeon at this hospital and I'm sure he will have a few things to say to you about this too." Brittany's face was red she was so furious.

When Santana heard what Brittany was saying and how angry she was she felt a warm feeling inside because she knew Brittany was trying to protect her. Santana walked over to Brittany and placed her arm on her lower back. Brittany jumped a little from the contact but smiled when Santana smiled at her.

The man Brittany had been yelling at was the hospital administrator who she had demanded to see once Santana had gone to start her treatment. Santana had known this man her entire life because he was friends with her father. The look on his face was priceless, he was scared to death.

"Santana, I am so sorry this happened. As I was just telling Ms. Pierce the staff member who leaked it to the press that you were being treated here as been fired and removed from the hospital grounds. Seems she couldn't help but brag about it to another staff member who came directly to me with the information. I will understand if you don't want to continue your treatment here although I hope you will consider continuing it here. I will make sure you have a security escort every time you enter the hospital and you can come in the back way like you did today. Please accept my apology on behalf of the hospital and my personal apology as someone who is honored to call your father a friend."

Santana kind of felt bad for the man. "It's not ok but it was bound to happen. A security escort won't be necessary as long as we can come in the back way. I am sure my father will be upset but I'm sure you can calm him done. As for Ms. Pierce here, Robert I'd like you to meet my girlfriend Brittany Pierce who was also born and raised here in Lima. Brittany this is Robert, I have known him my entire life and he's one of my father's best friends."

Brittany's face was red again but this time because of embarrassment. The two quickly shook hands. "It's nice to meet you Brittany. I know your mother from the volunteer work she has done at the hospital. I'm glad Santana has someone as protective as you looking out for her."

Santana found herself smiling and she wasn't sure why because in the past if this had happened she would've gone all Lima Heights on Robert and it wouldn't have matter he was her father's friend. "Brittany and I are going to leave but I'll be back Monday at 10 for my next treatment." The two said their goodbyes to Robert.

Santana and Brittany walked hand in hand to the car that was still parked at the back entrance. When they got in the car Brittany just stared at Santana. "Where is the Santana with her vicious, vicious words who would've gone off on everyone in her path? I mean I'm the one who turned into the screaming banshee."

"I don't know I was angry all during my treatment and then when I came out and saw you had everything under control my anger went away. Besides I've dealt with paparazzi for the past few years so I guess I've just gotten used to it. By the way I have never seen you all worked up like that before. It was kind of sexy." Santana leaned over and kissed Brittany on the lips.

Brittany pushed Santana away which confused Santana. "Wait back there you introduced me as your girlfriend. Does that mean we are officially back together?"

Santana thought for moment and realized she had introduced Brittany as her girlfriend. It just came out of her mouth because it seemed so natural to say it. "I just…well it just came out that way…cause you know it feels so natural to call you that…um…if you're not comfortable with that…I..uh…wont' do it again."

Brittany thought I was adorable how Santana was so nervous so she leaned in and kissed Santana. "I'd love for us to officially be girlfriends again. I told before I'm not going anywhere."

The two made out for awhile until they realized they were still at the hospital. "I'd better call my mom before we leave to see if the paparazzi found out where my parents live and are camped out over there." Santana's mother said there weren't any paparazzi at the house at least not yet. Santana knew them well and she knew they would eventually find out where her parents lived. It was a good thing Brittany and her were leaving to go to the cabin in a few hours.

TBC


	11. Chapter 11

Brittany was on her way to pick Santana up so they could go to the cabin. After they got back from the hospital Brittany went to her parent's house to pack a bag for the weekend. Brittany was driving her mother's car since she wasn't going to need it for the weekend. She thought on the trip over to Santana's house they she should really buy a car. Brittany had only ever had one car and that was in college and it was an old beat up car that was broken down more than it ran. She could certainly afford a brand new car now and since she was going to be staying in Lima while Santana had her treatment it would convenient to have her own car so she didn't have to borrow one of her parent's cars all of the time. Brittany made a decision she was buying her first new car and Santana was going to help her pick it out.

As Brittany turned to go down the street where the Lopez's live she noticed several paparazzi outside the house. They weren't there when she had dropped Santana off after her treatment so they hadn't been there very long. Brittany pulled the car over at the end of the street and watched them for a few minutes. She didn't know how Santana handled having cameras always shoved in her face and people shouting personal questions at her. Brittany was a well known dancer but she didn't have to handle any of this kind of stuff only the headline performers she worked with had to deal with paparazzi.

Brittany took out her cell phone to call Santana. "Hey San I came to pick up and I saw all of the paparazzi so I stopped and am parked at the end of your street. What do you want me to do?"

"I can't believe those fucking bastards are outside my parent's house!" Santana yelled when she answered the phone.

"Please calm down San it won't do any good getting upset they aren't worth it." Brittany wanted to keep Santana calm because when she yelled it hurt her voice.

"It's easy for you to tell me to call down you're not the one that is having your privacy invaded by those leeches!" Brittany's comment seemed to upset Santana even more. Brittany knew Santana was frustrated and she didn't mean to yell at her but she couldn't help it Santana yelling at her kind of upset her. She didn't know how to respond to Santana so she stayed quiet which Santana didn't even seem to notice as she continued to rant on. "This is such bullshit I knew they'd find me some how. It's just like being in LA. I just should've stay home and got my treatment there. Coming to Lima was definitely a mistake."

Hearing Santana say coming to Lima was a mistake hurt Brittany even more because if Santana hadn't come back to Lima they wouldn't have put the past behind them. They would have never told each other they never stopped loving each other. She would've never been able to listen to the songs Santana had written just for her during the years they were apart. If Santana hadn't come back to Lima they wouldn't have a second chance to be together and have the future together they both so desperately always wanted to have.

Brittany wasn't one to run away that was always Santana's thing to do but right now she needed to get away. "I'm just going to leave now because all of the sudden I don't feel much like going to the cabin anymore. You rest ok. Bye." Brittany ended the call, turned the car around, and drove away.

She hadn't driven very far when her cell phone ring and she knew it was Santana because she had one of the songs Santana written for her as her ring tone. Brittany ignored the call. Moments later a text message came and it was also from Santana. Brittany knew Santana didn't mean to upset her with her comment about Lima but she couldn't help it she was upset. Santana was frustrated and angry, and when she is like that she tends to say things she doesn't mean. Brittany knew this but right now she needed to be alone.

Santana had been calling and texting Brittany for the past two hours. She felt horrible for taking her frustrations out on Brittany. Santana knew Brittany must be very upset because she never walked away from a situation she always wanted to talk about what was going on. She just wished Brittany would answer her phone so she could apologize. They should've been at the cabin by now enjoying their weekend. It was going to be the first time they were truly alone together since they broke up eight years ago. For Santana it wasn't even that she might get the chance to be intimate with Brittany it was that it was going to be just the two of them alone together.

The paparazzi were gone. Santana's father called the local police who with the help of the state police basically escorted them out of the town. They were told if they returned and were found loitering in front of the Lopez house or at the hospital they would be arrested. Santana was surprised the paparazzi gave up so easily but she knew there be a couple who would come back and be sneaky about getting photos of her. Right now Santana couldn't care less about the paparazzi she was worried about Brittany.

Finally after three hours pasted and Brittany still wouldn't answer her calls or respond to her text messages, Santana called Brittany's parents house.

"Hello"

"Bethany it's Santana. I know Brittany probably told you she didn't want to talk to me if I called but can please tell her I need to talk to her."

"San, I don't understand. Aren't you with Brittany at the cabin?"

"No. Are you telling me Brittany isn't there?"

"No she left over three hours ago go pick you up to go to the cabin. I haven't seen her since she left. I just assumed you two were at the cabin by now. San, what happened why aren't with Brittany?"

"It's a long story and it's all my fault. Bethany can you do me a favor and call Brittany on your cell phone and see if she'll talk to you. Don't tell her I'm on the other phone. I need to know she is ok and where she is so I can apologize to her."

Bethany called Brittany on her cell phone.

"Hey Bethany is everything ok?" Brittany's voice sounded scared.

"Yeah everything is fine. I just wanted to make sure you and Santana got to the cabin ok. I forgot tell you to send me a text when you got there."

"I'm sorry I should've sent you a text anyway."

"Okay, I'll let you go so you can have your alone time with Santana."

"Yeah thanks. I'll see you Sunday night when I get back. Love you."

"Love you too Britt."

The call ended. "I'm assuming you heard our conversation. She's at the cabin and she seems fine. Santana maybe she needs some alone time. She'll get in touch with you when she's ready. She must really upset if she went off to the cabin by herself."

"I really fucked up and I'm not even sure what I did except yell at her about how frustrated I was because the paparazzi were at my parent's house."

"I don't know what to tell you Santana but I do my sister doesn't just run off to be by herself unless she's really upset."

"I know. Thanks for calling her for me. I'll see you soon. Bye."

Santana felt better knowing Brittany was ok but she felt horrible that she was so upset and it obviously had something to with her. Santana went downstairs to see if her parents were home yet. The downstairs was completely quiet. Her mother had left to meet her father for dinner after the paparazzi were escorted away by the police. Santana wanted to talk to Brittany but she knew Bethany was right about Brittany calling her when she was ready.

When Brittany left Santana's street she just kept driving until she found herself almost to the cabin so she decided to continue on and spend the night there. She wasn't surprised when she got Bethany's call because Brittany was one to always text or call to when she got where she was going. She felt guilty she lied and let Bethany assume Santana was with her at the cabin. She decided when she got home she would apologize to Bethany and tell her the whole story.

It was around 10 o'clock so Brittany decided to go to bed because she was exhausted from the day's events. She was just about to drift off to sleep when her cell phone rang. It was just the regular ring tone so she knew it wasn't Santana or Bethany. When she looked at the number she realized it was cell number she didn't recognize so she ignored the call. A few seconds later her phone rang again and it was the same number. This time she decided to answer it thinking whoever was calling probably would just keep calling and she really wanted to go to sleep.

"Hello"

"Brittany thank God you answered. It's Maribel."

"What's wrong? Is Santana ok?" Brittany started to panic.

"I'm not sure if she's ok. When her father and I got home tonight there was note from her saying she had taken the minivan and was driving to the cabin to see you. I'm confused I thought when Santana didn't go to the cabin this afternoon that you two weren't going. She was so upset about the paparazzi I thought you two must have canceled your plans."

"No it's a long story but I came to the cabin without Santana. What time did Santana leave? It's an almost two hour drive to the cabin and it's quite foggy out tonight. How did she even know I'm at the cabin?"

"The note said she left at around 10:15 and it now 11. I'm worried because it's a long drive and she really isn't strong enough to make the drive by herself. Plus that minivan is old. I can't even remember the last time I drove it. It's the one I had when you two were teenagers. I'm just so worried. Brittany, please call us when she gets there so we won't be up all night worrying."

"I'll either have San call or I'll call the minute she gets here. Maribel, I'm sorry this is all my fault."

"Don't worry dear things happen I just want Santana to be safe."

The call ended and Brittany wondered how Santana knew she was even at the cabin. Bethany! That's why she called earlier Santana had put her up to it. She wanted to be angry with her sister but right now she was worried about Santana being out there driving in the fog in a old minivan.

When it got to be midnight Brittany went out on the cabin porch steps to wait for Santana. When 12:30 came Brittany started to panic because Santana should've been there by now. She knew Santana would remember the way to the cabin because they had been there so many times when they were teenagers.

Finally at 12:45 she saw headlights coming put the dirt road that led to the cabin. As the vehicle got closer she recognized it as Mrs. Lopez's old minivan. Brittany got up and ran to the van when Santana stopped. Santana opened the door and got out. "I'm sorry". She said before she collapsed in Brittany's arms.


	12. Chapter 12

_Previously_

_Finally at 12:45 she saw headlights coming put the dirt road that led to the cabin. As the vehicle got closer she recognized it as Mrs. Lopez's old minivan. Brittany got up and ran to the van when Santana stopped. Santana opened the door and got out. "I'm sorry". She said before she collapsed in Brittany's arms._

Brittany picked Santana up and carried her to the cabin. Once inside she laid Santana down on the couch and went to the small refrigerator and got a bottle of water. Brittany knelt down by Santana's head. "Sweetie, are you ok? Please talk to me." Brittany was frantic.

Santana opened her eyes and took in a huge breath and let it out. "I'm sorry."

"Here sit up and take a drink of water." Brittany helped Santana sit up just enough so she wouldn't choke and held the bottle of water while Santana took a drink. "Are you feeling a bit better baby?"

Santana nodded her head. Brittany lowered Santana's head back down on the couch. "Do I need to get you to the hospital or are you going to be ok?"

"I'll be ok I'm just exhausted. I'm sorry." Santana had tears running down her face.

"You've said you're sorry three times now you don't need to say it again. I'm the one who's sorry for running away and coming to the cabin by myself. I shouldn't have done that to you." Brittany now had tears running down your face.

"No, I upset you and I know I should know what I did but I'm not sure so I need you to please talk to me about it." Santana was crying harder now.

"You need to sleep we can talk about this tomorrow. Let help you to the bedroom." Brittany helped Santana to the bedroom. She helped Santana take off her jeans and helped her to bed wearing her t-shirt she was wearing and her panties. "I need to call you mom because she called me worried about you. I'll be right back."

Brittany called Maribel to tell her Santana got there safely although she was exhausted. Maribel and Carlos were relieved to know Santana was safe. Brittany went to the bedroom, got ready for bed, and got into bed with Santana. She immediately turned on her side so her front was to Santana's back and put her arm around Santana's stomach. She kissed Santana just below her ear and whispered, "I'm so sorry I'll never run away like from you again. I love you."

Santana mumbled "I love you" before they both drifted off to sleep.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The next morning Brittany woke to find herself alone in bed. She hurried out of bed worrying that Santana might have gotten up in the night and collapsed or something. She looked all over the small cabin but didn't find Santana anywhere. Then she opened the cabin door and there was Santana sitting on the porch steps just looking at the wilderness around her. Brittany sat down beside Santana on the steps.

"I was scared when I woke up and you were gone. I was afraid I'd find you collapsed on the floor somewhere." Brittany laid her head on Santana's shoulder and Santana leaned her head on Brittany's.

"I'm sorry you were sleeping so soundly I didn't want to wake up. I haven't been up too long."

"How are you feeling today?"

"I'm ok just tired but not nearly as exhausted as I was last night." Santana kissed Brittany on the head.

"By the way Santana you need to call your mother today and apologize. She was scared to death when you took off like and what were you thinking driving that old beat minivan." Brittany tried to hide the emotion in voice.

"Well if you hadn't run off and if you'd answered my calls or text messages I wouldn't have had to drive all of the way here so I could apologize and talk to you." Santana's voice was full of as much emotion.

Brittany lifted her head off from Santana's shoulder. "I know it's all my fault I'm sorry. When your mom called and said you were driving up here I was scared to death but your right it's all my fault I shouldn't have run off but after I did run off I should've answered your calls or text messages."

Brittany stood and walked back into the cabin. Santana was right behind her and when she didn't see her in the kitchen or living room she went to the bedroom. "What are doing Britt?"

"I'm packing up so we can go back to Lima. You can ride back with me and then I'll have Bethany drive me back up so I can drive your mother's minivan back to Lima later this afternoon.

Santana grabbed Brittany's hand to stop her from packing. "Come here and sit beside me." Santana sat on the bed. Brittany sat on the bed but far away from Santana so Santana moved over so she was sitting right beside Brittany. "I thought you said last night you wouldn't run away again and that's exactly what you're doing by packing up and going back home."

"I'm not running away I'm just doing what's best for you. I obviously add stress to your life that you don't need right now while you're receiving your treatments. You wouldn't have had to drive up here if it wasn't for my childish behavior. You could've fallen asleep and had an accident on your way here. You collapsed in my arms you were so exhausted when you got here. It's plain to see I'm no good for you. I'm not what you need." Brittany tried to stand up but Santana grabbed her by the waist and pulled her back down on the bed.

"Britt, what's going on? What upset you so much yesterday that you came up here by yourself?" Santana was gently holding Brittany's hand.

"Yesterday when you were angry because the paparazzi were outside your parent's house you said you should've stayed in LA for your treatment and that coming to Lima was definitely a mistake. If you hadn't come to Lima we wouldn't have seen each other and forgiven each other for what happened in the past. We wouldn't have ever known that we never loved stopped loving one another. I would've never heard those beautiful songs you wrote just for me. So I guess having all of those things happening didn't mean anything to you because you think it was a mistake you came to Lima." Brittany was crying hard as the tears fell down her face.

Santana sat there stunned because she never even thought about how her words could've hurt Brittany like that. "Oh Britt, I'm so sorry. I was so angry with the paparazzi that I never even thought about how what I said could make you feel. I didn't mean it that way at all but you're right if I hadn't come to Lima all of those great things between us would've never happened. Which means I would've missed out on being the happiest I've ever been in my entire life like I am right now. I wasn't thinking when I said those words and I'm sorry." Santana kissed Brittany on the temple.

"I probably overreacted but when you said coming to Lima was a mistake it made feel like you thought we were a mistake too. I know that's not what you meant but it's where my heart went and I can't help it." Brittany wiped her tears away with her hand.

"Britt look at me." Brittany looked at Santana. "Everything that has happened to use in the past few weeks is definitely not a mistake. I need you in my life. I want us to have a future together if that's what you want. Once I get past my treatment and I know my health is ok I want us to start planning the future. I don't want to rush things or overwhelm you but that's what I want and I know you have your dancing career to think of too." Santana continued to gaze into Brittany's eyes.

"I'm not overwhelmed because I want those things too. I've had a great professional dance career but I'd give it up right now to be with you, that's how much I love you." Brittany leaned in and kissed Santana gently on the lips. After a few minutes the kisses started getting more heated. Brittany gently pushed Santana so her back was lying against the mattress while her legs were hanging over the side of the bed. Brittany straddled Santana's hips and continued kissing her.

"Britt, what are you doing?" Santana said when she broke the kiss.

"I'm sorry I never even thought I bet you're still tired. You need your rest." Brittany got off from Santana's body and sat on the edge of the bed.

Santana sat up. "I didn't mean you had to stop and yeah I'm tired but never too tired for you. I just thought you still had your period so I didn't want us to get carried away."

"No my period finished but I still should've thought about you being tired. You also need to eat so you don't lose too much weight. I can tell after your first three radiation treatments that you are looking tired and you need to rest like the doctor said. We've got two choices, I can drive us back to Lima like I said or we can stay here and go back to Lima tomorrow afternoon."

"I say we stay here and go back to Lima tomorrow afternoon. I do need to rest but then maybe later tonight we can get out sweet lady kisses on." Santana smiled and kissed Brittany gently on the lips.

"I'm going to go make us some breakfast. You relax but not before calling your mother." Brittany kissed Santana on the forehead before getting up and going into the kitchen.

Santana called her mother and took a quick shower before her and Brittany sat down to eat breakfast. Brittany made French toast one of Santana's favorites. As the two sat there in comfortable silence eating Brittany noticed Santana wasn't really eating just kind of pushing her food around on her plate and taking tiny bits. Brittany got up from the small kitchen table they were sitting and started cooking something on the stove.

"Britt what are doing? Your food is going to get cold." Santana wondered why Brittany had just suddenly gotten up and started cooking on the stove.

A few minutes later Brittany sat a plate of scrambled eggs in front of Santana. At first Santana looked up at Brittany with a confused look. "I should've thought that maybe eating French toast would be difficult for you. I remember saying the doctor saying after your first few treatments it start getting difficult for you to eat and swallow."

Santana leaned in and kissed Brittany. "I love you."

"I love you too. Let's eat and then you can rest."

After breakfast Brittany insisted on washing the dishes herself while Santana went to the bedroom to lie down and rest. After everything was cleaned up from breakfast Brittany decided to take a shower before joining Santana in bed to take nap. The events of day and night before had tired her out.

After her shower Brittany quietly went into the bedroom where Santana was laying on side with her butt facing the middle of the bed. She was curled up in a fetal position. As Brittany got closer to the bed she heard a sniffling noise so she carefully got into bed and under the covers. She moved close to Santana on her side so she was spooning her. Brittany kissed Santana's shoulder. "Baby, what's wrong?" Santana just shook her head. Brittany moved closer to Santana and put her arm around Santana's stomach. "Please tell me what's wrong so I can make it better?"

Santana croaked out. "It's nothing."

"I think it's something so please tell me what has you upset?" Brittany stroked Santana's air. Santana shook her head again. "San baby please look at me." Santana slowly turned so now she was face to face with Brittany. Brittany gently wiped the tears away from Santana's face. "Why are you crying?"

At first Santana was silent. "It's not fair." Her voice cracked some from emotion and some from the surgery she had on her throat.

"What's not fair sweetie?" Brittany rubbed Santana's arm lovingly with her hand.

"I can't sing anymore. When I talk I sound like a croaking frog and probably will for the rest of my life. It's just not fucking fair that's all." Santana broke down sobbing.

Brittany pulled her into a tight hug. "I know it's not fair. I can't imagine how you must feel right now. You losing your voice is like me as a dancer losing one of my legs. To be honest I've been concerned about you because I haven't heard you say what has happened to you isn't fair. It's only normal to feel that way."

"Britt, I don't want you to think I'm ungrateful for everything I have been given in my life but I would trade the money and fame in a heartbeat to get my voice back." Santana said between sniffling and sobbing.

"I know San. I wish life was that easy but unfortunately it's not. You have every right to feel sorry for yourself and ask why me as long as you don't let it overtake your life. You're so young and you've already done wonderful things with your singing career. You lived your dream and your 27 years old. Maybe now you can build a new dream. Maybe we can build a dream a together." Brittany stroked Santana's cheek.

"But what if it comes back?" Santana's voice trembled.

"What if what comes back?"

"The cancer. What if after the surgery and radiation one tiny cancer cell remains and I get cancer again somewhere else in my body. What if I end up dying? I can't let you live a life like that." Santana was letting out all of the emotions she had kept pent up since the day she was told she had a cancerous tumor on her vocal cord.

Brittany makes sure Santana was looking her directly in the eye. "You still don't get it do you? I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. If God forbid tomorrow the doctor said you had six months to live, I would still be here by your side where I want to be. Santana, I'm here for you just the wedding vows say - to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part."

"When did you do memorize the wedding vows?" Santana couldn't help but marvel at the things Brittany knows.

Brittany blushed, "It's just one of those things I know and I'm sure how I know it but I mean every word of it." Brittany leaned in and kissed Santana on the lips.

"I'm here for you too in the same way. I can't recite the vows like you did because I don't know them word for word. There are two times I think about when I regret I won't be able to sing. One is if we ever get married I won't be able to sing Songbird to you and the second is I won't be able to sing a lullaby to our child." A fresh batch of tears fell down Santana's face.

Brittany found new tears fall down her face as well. "You want us to have kids?"

Santana nodded her head yes. "I really do but what if…" Santana was silenced when Brittany put her index finger over her mouth to stop her from continuing her thought.

"No more what ifs. Ok?" Brittany moved her finger away from Santana's mouth. Santana once again nodded her head yes. "Let's take a nap cause I know we both are emotionally and physically exhausted."

Brittany lay on her back so Santana could lay her head on her chest. Brittany held Santana tightly as they both fell asleep.


End file.
